A
male
age
41-50,
*osh33
writes:Hi everybody, I've been going out with my girlfriend for over 2 years and I need some advice. After the honeymoon period was over (say 6 months) I started noticing that when she became more secure in the relationship that sex became less frequent. I've mentioned it to her in the best possible way but it always ends up coming back to the fact that I'm not fully happy with our sex life. It's a really difficult situation to be in because I love her and she's a great person to me and likewise I am to her. she just seems to have much less sexual needs than i do and it wouldn't seem to bother her too much most of the time if we had sex or not, she seems to be able to take it or leave it but because of the fact that she knows that i like it so much she feels obliged to have sex with me but i can spot these situations a mile away because her body language is so obvious. i then feel under pressure to get the sex over and done with as quickly as possible as i know she doesn't really want to, this completely turns me off.she also doesn't like foreplay, i've discussed this issue again in the best and most calm way with her, she says that when she's in the mood for sex she likes it rough and quick and is a fast climaxer when this is the case. i, on the other hand (although i do feel good in one way that i'm making her orgams so quickly), would much prefer to have longer "sessions" including lots of foreplay leading to sex. she says that this bores her and that the longer that the foreplay goes on (this must be from other relationships or experiences she's had as we have never had long foreplay before sex), the less turned on she is to the extent that she isn't interested anymore.She doesn't like giving head either and again on the odd occasion when she does give it (once or twice a year max), I feel under pressure from her body language that again she's only doing it to try and keep me happy and that I sense off her that she starts to get frustrated if i haven't you know what after a certain time period. she doesn't like me giving her head either, has always being against the idea of me going down on her, when i've tried to she's brushed me away.As you can probably see from the above, I get completely frustrated and that no matter how much I point out this or that to her, it doesn't change in the long run for the good. I don't want to dump this girl as i love her and i get on great with her friends and family and think that because of the sort of person she is (a bit anxious in general) that i'm a great support on her. But then on the other hand I think that if it's like this after 2 years going out when we're not living with each other, what's it gonna be like if we make the next step and move in together or get a place together. I've pointed this out to her again recently so would giving it a certain time period to see if it improves be fair enough?any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Look mate, sounds like your love has some deeply underlying issues. It could be something as simple as being uncomfortable with her own body, to even past experiences. If you really love her you would understand and be patient. After I had my daughter I never wanted sex and my partner was kind enough to respect that. However after five years of battling with"weight and mental" issues I'm only just coming around to be interested in it again. Just wait and I'm sure there are enough sexual aids around to help you get through those tough nights with just you and your hand. However if you still find this hard to grasp, go find a dirty whore that will do it all.
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