A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hiya I'm 17 and I've never had a boyfriend but have had "situations" that could have led to a relationship. Problem is I suck at opening up to guys. Well opening up to anybody in fact. Probably because rejection in any form terrifies me so I'd rather keep my true feeling bottled up and just cry about it later. Like literally. Whenever a guy shows interest in me I assume that it's fake or that they have their own agenda (ie sex and just sex - I'm still a virgin btw). Not that I don't want to have sex, I have for a while now but I believe in commitment and that I should wait for love first, not just infatuation iygm. The past three guys (that I can remember) that have shown interest in being more than just friends, I have completely shut down. Not on purpose of course I just get scared and then the shutters to my heart come down. Guy number one, last year ish, I was completely in love with, or as good as, things were great, we were good friends and flirted alot, then he tried to kiss me and I flaked. He near enough tried to call me a c0ck tease which isn't fair, I just panicked. Guy number two i did end up making out with and stuff, but I didn't have proper feelings for him and the kiss just wasn't real if that makes sense. Guy number three, the guy that im currently crazy about, similar to before, we talk and flirt loads at work, like flirt near enough all the time. I assumed that this meant we were just having a laugh. Then he tried to kiss me and I pulled away even though I've been wanting to suck his face for months now. Okay that sounds pretty disgusting, but shows how much I've wanted him and wanted to kiss him and I get the chance and blow it. Yet again. Seriously what's wrong with me??
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female
reader, newgia667  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 I think that when we are all young we doubt ourselves and feel like we are going to be rejected. I am 19 years old and I was like you in high school.. I was very closed off and i wasn't confident because at the time i had a weight problem, It wasn't easy letting guys in at all. Most guys in high school do only want one thing, and to brag to their friends, so its good that your cautious with who you invest your time into. Just remember you are still young and have 20-30 years to deal with boys and dating and relationships. I think guy number one was kind of like a first love thing, guy number two was an experiment and guy number three you actually like.. Don't feel weird saying you want to suck his face, thats normal. You should own it and be confident because that shows that you do have an attraction and interest in him. Right now when your brain is still developing we are oftentimes filled with insecurities, doubts and we question many things. My advice is let it come naturally, and if you feel like you want to do something you should… If you are comftorable with this guy and he makes you happy trust yourself that this could potentially be a good thing and make you happy and if it doesn't its a learning experience. Take it from me, don't close yourself off to people because it will just make you more insecure in relationships (take it from me i suck at them) and it won't end good. Right now is a time for you to figure out who you are and your interests with boys etc. and if you feel your not ready yet that doesnt mean theres anything wrong with you. Everyone is different and we all go at different paces. Just follow your heart and don't worry about peoples judgments and what not, i can assure you you won't even speak to half of these people after high schoolbest of luck gia
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 October 2016):
 It's really sensible of you to wait for love before sex - it's just a case of knowing the difference between love and infatuation, which can be hard at any age, but particularly with hormones all over the place!
Guy 1 is a good example of when it feels like you're in love, but you're not. That's what you have to avoid - confusing it with a crush. It sounds like you dodged a bullet with him.
Guy 2 is a good example of you rushing into things like making out, when you don't really feel anything for him. That's not a great idea because it sends mixed messages for you and the guy.
Guy 3 is a good example of liking someone, but needing to avoid making the mistakes you made with 1 and 2. Take it slow, no kissing before actually going on dates. You need to have interest established before giving hints at a physical relationship developing. A lot of teenagers almost completely drop dating and essentially end up in a FWB (with or without sex) that they call a relationship, without doing anything couples do, that FWBs don't.
Ask him out. It's a good thing not to let guys kiss you without them showing an actual interest in you as a person, not just physical stuff.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2016): Hi there! I'm 17 too.. and honestly i was like that too. I think you're afraid but you're also infatuated by these guys. Guy 1 is pretty bad honestly because just cuz you pulled away doesnt mean you dont want to kiss him and all same goes to guy 3. Honestly, maybe you're just kinda waiting for the 'right moment'? There is definitely nothing wrong with you, you're just cautious at the same time. Relax, get to know the guy well and make sure he's being with you for all the right reasons. I have a boyfriend for almost 3 years, and could you imagine like I was afraid of getting involved and when i met my bf i knew he was good. hence we went further (ie sex, protected of course) so yeah...
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