A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im facing a love life dilema... well facing isnt the right word. This is a situation ive been living with for a long time now. Im in a happy steady relationship, i own a car with my partner, were relocating together and we have to kittens together. I love him very much. However its not like I feel im settling but I feel not so exited about our relationship. There is another guy, ive know since I was 15 and when we were that young we dated several times. Each time I spit off from him, mainly because I was young and just wanted to mess around and experience life. At the time I didnt realise how much I had hurt him. Saying that I have always loved him, I feel like ive been in love with him for as long as I can remember, and every time I see him my heart breaks a little to think I cant be with him. A few years ago I realised just how much he meant to me but since then either one of us has always been in a relationship. Now im starting to settle with my current partner im starting to panic that im missing the love of my life, but i've no desire to spit up with my partner just to see if my feelings might be returned and we might have a possible future.I just dont know what to do, I cant get him out of my head. I cant stop seeing him, he's my best friend and im ashamed to say how much enjoyment I get from just being in his presence even for a few minuets. Has anybody got any advice whatsoever for me? anything would be appriciated.
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male
reader, A Man +, writes (6 April 2010):
Many women have trouble thinking "excitement" is love. Real love feels calm. I truly believe that many people can be "the love of your life". Love is a relationship of trust and time. Sounds like you have "greener pasture" syndrome. Trust me, you'll always be running. This could also be cold feet. Your mind is trying to find escapes because your not ready to settle in yet. It sounds to me you could have a happy life with either of these men. All that's missing is your devotion.
Be honest with your current boyfriend. Tell him your not ready to really settle in yet, see if you can find a middle ground. It's unfair to him that your thinking about leaving him for another guy and he doesn't know about it.
Be honest with yourself and other and you'll find your life is much happier.
Good luck and peace be with you.
A man
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 We all grow and mature at different rates. At some point many of us reach the stage where we are confident that 'settling in' is the right thing to do, for us and for our partner. You haven't reached that stage -- you seem to have too much unfinished business.
You owe your partner a frank discussion of where you find yourself. If he's ready to settle and you aren't, then at some point things will come to a head and there will be tears. Don't let him settle and make plans for your joint future if you aren't sure you're going to be there to share in them.
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