A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I have to say that it's the first time I've ever used an advice site like this. It is kind of weird for me, but I am getting used to it. haAnyway, I have always had a close relationship with one of my closest guy friends. We have always shared information or given advice about our relationships and other things along those lines. We have been there for each other through thick and thin but lately, we have both been feeling this attraction to each other that we can't help. (We tried dating once a long time ago but an unavoidable obstruction prevented that). He is a very very mature guy and he has a job, he pays for all of his own stuff and for a college student he is very independent. However, he has never been good with commitment. He tells me all of the time that he could see his life with me but then he changes his mind and will focus his attention on a "temporary crush" to try to get his mind off of a serious relationship with me. I don't know what to do. I am so confused by this whole situation.A spin on this situation is that I am in a relationship with a guy who I've been with for quite some time. We have always been "comfortable" in our situation but the past few months we have been arguing constantly and I am not sure I can handle this much longer. I had been trying to get the courage to take a break from him before my friend and I started to get these feelings.I guess I am just in a screwed up situation but I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice. My current boyfriend is someone I think I could "settle" for being with for a long time because it is very comfortable; however, my good friend is scared of being in a committed relationship one day and then the next he does want me. Anyone been in this situation or have any advice? Thanks so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): hello. I am in the same situation right now. I think what I'm going to do is hold onto the strong friendship with my really close guy friend who keeps changing his mind (of course) and never give up because he is so worth it. In the meantime I will be patient and continue to date other guys. There is no guarantee that one day he will stop being afraid of commitment.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): hmm honestly you shouldnt have to "settle" for anyone especially just cause its comfortable if you have feelings for someone else you should 1.make sure of the way you feel 2.make sure this guy feels the same and 3.make sure he is ready all the love in the world wont help if he isnt ready however he could just be nervous because you are in a relationship and he doesnt want to put pressure on you you really should talk about it with your friend good luck
-michael
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 February 2008):
 My advice to you would be not to settle for anyone. It will only cause problems for you down the road. The two of you will have so many rocks in the road and if you aren't really committed to each other and in love, you won't get past the bad parts. So, if this is not the man who rocks your world, you owe it to both of you to end this relationship. But don't end it for someone else.
Regarding the man who can not commit, he is pretty young and one day he may feel ready but don't think you are going to change him. The fact that his feeling change from time to time is kind of a red flag. So if you are planning to leave your boyfriend for this man, don't count on a nice secure relationship.
If I were you, I would end the relationship you have, keep your friend as a friend at least for the time being, and try to figure out what you want in a life partner. It is no sin to be alone for a period of time.
Good luck to you.
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