A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Debating whether to leave your partner or not? Here’s forty questions as food for thought. There are no right or wrong answers or score cards, they’re just things to consider if you're having trouble. Please keep in mind that nobody is perfect and every couple has its differences, I offer this only to try to help clear the fog a bit for people dealing with this dilemma. Perhaps consider which things are most important for you personally, which things are deal-breakers and should you actually break up- what you’ll look for in your next partner? Oh, and I haven’t written any questions relating to leaving somebody for another.... that’s no mistake. 1. After writing down the pro’s and con’s of being with them, how do they fair?2. Are you in love with who they are right now, or in love with who they could be?3. Do they accept you for whom you are or try to change you into someone you’re not? 4. Are you in love with a fantasy, “white picket fence, 3 kids, happily ever after” or them as a person?5. Where do you feel you fall in your partners’ priorities in life?6. Have they proven themselves untrustworthy or cheated on you before?7. Are you suffering abuse at their hands, emotional, physical?8. Do they try their best to get along with your friends and family?9. Are they truly compatible with you as a friend, lover, sexual partner?10. If you had to pick one statement only, would you say that they pull you up or bring you down?11. Do they forgive your mistakes or use them as ammunition during disagreements?12. Do they have double standards, ie. can they see opposite sex friends but you can’t?13. Do they play mind games or try to control you directly or indirectly?14. Can you talk to them about anything... wants, needs, your relationships’ problems?15. They don’t change as a person....would you be able to stay and still be truly happy?16. Do they show that they love you, even if it’s not in a way you might express your love?17. Are their actions reinforcing their words or contradicting them? 18. Have you broken up with this person before and if so, how many times and by whom?19. Do they treat you as an equal intellectually, emotionally?20. Do they only seem to want you when they can’t have you?21. If kids are involved, do you think it’s better to have two unhappy parents or one happy one?22. Are you settling because you’re afraid of being alone or finding another partner?23. What is the % figure on how much effort you think you both put into the relationship?24. Are you chasing them or are they chasing you?25. Do they compromise often, admit mistakes or apologize often?26. What is your biggest fear when you imagine breaking up with them?27. Are you both willing to see a counselor within the next week and follow through with it?28. Are you ever able to forgive them for their past actions based on your relationship so far?29. Are financial commitments keeping you from leaving more than they should be?30. Do they compliment more than they criticize?31. Do they make enough time for you and seem excited to be with you?32. Do they have baggage that they show no signs of letting go of or even wanting to?33. Do they have any addictions that affect you negatively, ie. alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn, games?34. Do they trust you or do they snoop through your facebook, phone, emails?35. Do they give you space when you say you need it?36. Do they bring out the best in you or make you act in way you don’t feel is the real you?37. Are they honest when questioned directly or do you know they can easily lie to your face?38. Do they make you feel like the majority of the relationships problems are your fault?39. Would they do for you what you would do for them?40. ARE YOU HAPPY!? ARE YOU HAPPY!? ARE YOU HAPPY!?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 This articles demonstrates why a Articles Index would be sooo helpful on DearCupid.org, indexed, of course, by subject.
Then the articles could be rated more often by a wider audience. As it is I comment on the article if I want to refer it to others and I comment again when I want to make it easier for me to find it. Seriously thinking of creating my own index of favourite articles. This one would be amongst the Top Performers for usefulness. Thanks you again. I enjoyed reading it again.
A
female
reader, jordan123  +, writes (16 June 2011):
That was fantastic! Brilliant article
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): I just stumbled on this...this is great resource for those sorts of posts. Will be linking to this.
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A
male
reader, Ebuka  +, writes (18 March 2011):
I have been in that kind of problem before, it happend that the only girl I love with all mine heart called me one day told me that I had total change for that let us just be friends. I looked into the relationship, our past, the love we use to share together, and breakup. I tell her that i'm sorry, she said the same to me
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A
female
reader, Thepolarbear +, writes (16 March 2011):
Really good article!
I would have never have thought of most of these questions by myself
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 March 2011):
this article is sheer brilliance
Five Stars all round
(decided it was time I read a range of Articles today - this one I will be recommending to others)
Thx
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): Bookmarking this for future reference :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Excellent article. I'm going to start linking this to people. That's a wonderful list of questions you've put together and if someone uses it, they will have an excellent assessment of their relationship!
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (3 March 2011):
excellent article, will keep it in mind
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