A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello, My husband got another apartment in other state because at first he said that he is tired to commute 4 days a week. I was having alcohol problem that timeand I even did not think this is separation. After a couple months he said to me, that this is separation,he did not mention divorce. I discovered already that time, that he is having relationship with a woman living in the state where he is renting an apartment. I confront him and he said, that this is only a flirt, he felt lonely there (I felt lonely too, but instead of man I got a cat)and he swears to me, that nothing is going on. Unfortunately I discovered more proofs that he has a sexual relationship with her. He is coming every week for one or two days to get to work and I tried to kiss him each time after I discover the truth. I’m sober now more than a month, he does not want to kiss me and I’m just craving inside me, that finally he is going to tell me leave me alone, I have another woman, but this never happen. I admire him at some point of my life and I think I still love him, however I lost all my trust what I had to him. He all the time critise me about my weight ( I did lost a lot weight lately and I really feel good about myself ) I just don’t understand why a man with who I spend 15 years cannot tell me the truth especially that he hates lies. I think he is also unfair to the other woman.He does not know, that I know a lot of things about her, I even know how she looks and she is not a pretty one at all. He seems to be sad, he said that I destroy him and he was happy with me only a couple weeks of our life, not to mention that his character is really very difficult, he loves to scream and he is mister right all the time, any communications at all. I do a lot of thinking lately and as much I want to be with him before right now I started to be more and more sure that this relationship is not good at all. I’m dreaming about meeting a gentle guy with who I can have a normal conversation. Do I’m wrong, what should I do?Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much Eddie,
After all I really stop to understand a man. Right now my separate husband wants divorce, because he said that he want to buy a house in the area where he lives right now, but I think this is totally lying, houses there are expensive and you need a lot of money and I don’t think he has any. So I think he wants to live with another woman, but he is still saying that we can remarried again in the future and I can try to get him back. He even said that he is done with woman. The reason I said his new girlfriend is not the prettiest one, because he critise me for my look and my body even now and after I saw her I just cannot understand why he is doing this to me. Please are there in these world still honest guys, who you can trust?
I know that I did make mistakes, but he did too and right now I just don’t understand why he cannot just say: I want divorce, I got another woman, I love her and I want to be with her. (By the way he looks right now so unhappy or is pretended? I really don’t know )
That’s only what I would like to hear.
Thank you
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (11 March 2011):
 First off, congratulations on your weight loss and sobriety.
I think you've determined that your husband is seeing someone else. At this point, I think you really need to decide what you can and will tolerate. Personally, I don't see your husband coming back unless he and his new found girlfriend break up. I sort of suspect he is keeping you in the wings on account that that happens.
It's probably time for you and your husband to have a talk about the future of your relationship. Before you do this, however, I suggest you find a sponsor and have someone to talk to before AND after your talk with your husband -- that way you have emotional support.
There are really no easy answers here but I think you need to talk to your husband about the state of your marriage. Perhaps you need to move into his apartment to be closer to him as well (not sure what sort of ramifications that involves).
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): I think you also have to take some responsibility for the problems in your marriage...It isnt just down to him...Living with some with an alcohol problem for a length of time can be damaging to a relationship, particularly the people around the alcoholic...You may have abused him emotionally,verbally and maybe physically over a sustained period....That the other woman is not pretty is irrelevant if he find peace and comfort in her company...which is something he hasnt had with you because of your alcohol problem...Your sex life may have suffered too because of this....Alcoholism does not have a binding effect in people, it can tear them apart......Alcoholism and relationships dont mix. It affects relationships, not only with your spouse/partner, it also affects children, friends and other memebers of your family and could affect your performance at work too....You say his character is difficult but I'm pretty sure your behaviour as a person with an alcohol problem wasn't easy either...With all I have said so far, it should explain some of the reasons after 15 years, he is acting the way he has....Not that it is rightYou have to continue to get help for your alcohol problem to make sure you 'really' stay off the booze and dont relapse.....his reluctance to be with you is probably because he is starting to feel he has had enough.....I suggest you both seek help with counselling with your local church and profeessional counsellor for your marriage problems.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Keep focusing on your sobriety and yourself. Be ready to divorce your husband, he HAS already moved on.
If you have proof of them having a sexual relationship what are you waiting for? Obviously he is not going to come clean. Living like this can't be healthy for you.
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