A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am guilty of over explaining. So I am going to try and make this short and sweet. My significant other and I have been together for three and a half years. Nine months ago we had our first son together. This is my first child and his third. We've always talked about marriage but never made any official plans. I got really sick during my pregnancy and for financial reasons I had to move cross country to live with my parents. My significant other missed the birth of our son and has only seen him once. He still tells me he wants to marry me and be together and that he would move to where I am, however, his actions don't match. I question if he is really ready to commit to my son and to me. I would really like some men to weigh in on this. Should I give him more time or is he just telling me what I want to hear and dragging me along? We have been apart since Nov of 2009.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Thanks for the responses so far. To answers some of the questions. He was really young when he had his first two children, he was 17 with the first and around 20 with the second. So he was in college and starting his life. He has been involved with his son (his oldest) but not so much his daughter (and that is partially because of her mother). I guess we both were thinking 3rd time would be a charm! Not so much. His oldest is 21 so he no longer supports him, but the middle is 17 and he hasn't supported her too much here recently because he's been on and off with different jobs. He doesn't support our child because he just found more steady work. I could say it's the economy, but I feel like to some extent, that's just an excuse. I am back in school and once I graduate I will have a solid career, one that I can work from home by the time the baby is ready for school. Either way this works out, I am taking my own steps to ensure I can support us, with or without him.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 What did he tell the mothers of his other kids?
3rd time a charm? Doubt it.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 I think you have to put your child first in the queue for your attention right now. You need to be protective because this man has not showed any commitment. You say it is his third child - does he support and see the other children? If he does not, a red flag should be waving at you. My husband would move heaven and earth for me and our infant son. I think if the father of your child really means what he says then you should invite him to come and live in your town. However, this should not be with you - if the relationship doesn't work out it could get messy if you have shared commitments of a financial, housing nature. Give him a chance to see your child but don't commit to marriage until you are very sure of what you are getting into. Remember that it is not just your quality of life at stake her, but you have a baby to think of. If this man demonstrates that he is a good father and pays support then maybe that can be the basis of a long term relationship. Just take things slowly and don't rush in.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Why hasn't he moved closer to you or prepared a place for you and the baby?
Yes, his word and actions do not match.
Is he helping you out financially?
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