A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,First off, sorry this came out to be a little long, it's just a topic that I have been passionate about lately and that has really been bothering me.My name is Matt and I am a 20 year old 3rd year college student. My issue is about money and isn't really a recent one as it goes back to my childhood. However, ever since I started college it has bothered me more and more throughout the years. Right now, I'm almost your typical University student besides the fact that I am unable to fall back on my parents for anything. Should anything happen to me where I am unable to come up with a thousand dollars for school, I would basically not be able to attend anymore. My father is unemployed due to the recession and my mother doesn't make much on her own. Now, you may be thinking that I'm just a selfish kid who is only thinking about himself but please allow me to explain. My dad was, at one point, making over $200,000 a year during the real estate bubble of the late 90's/early 2000s. However, as a kid, he really only provided the bare minimum for me and my brothers. I never had a tv, cell phone, or even a desk to do my homework. When I grew out of my childhood bed (it literally got too small for me), he basically ignored me whenever I asked for a new bed. Now, he wasn't THAT bad, we did get to go on family vacations and things like that, but it seemed that he was so hesitant to spend money when it didn't directly benefit him (hence the reluctance to buy his own son a bed/desk). Don't even get me started on when I asked him for a car...Gradually, over the years I grew more and more frustrated and annoyed. I began working 2 months after it turned 16 (legal age in US to work) and have not been without a job for more than a few weeks since then. If I didn't work throughout those years, I don't even know where I'd be now cuz god knows my parents would not have provided me with what they deemed as "unnecessary." When the subject of college came up he told me that I had better hope I get scholarships and grants to pay for it. Remember, he was making $200k a year at this time.So a year before I start college, my parents make the "wise" decision to buy a $400,000 dollar home. Not long after, the market crashed and my dad was out of work collecting a lowly unemployment sum every week that could barely pay the mortgage. And here I am in college drowning in debt because of my self-centered, irresponsible parents. The last straw for me was when my laptop broke and I had to open a store credit card to buy a new one. It just hurts to bad to see everyone around me who has parents that actually gave a shit about the well-being of their children and actually wanted them to succeed in school. Whereas I have to take out a loan because my parents don't give a shit. I understand times are hard for them, but the thing that really limits my sympathy is this fact: had my father never lost his job and continued to make the same amount of money, he still would not be helping me. I finally confronted him about this last summer and basically just bitched him out on a car ride home. I finally got through to him on how much of a crappy dad he was throughout the years. He finally got the message. He is a broken/depressed man now that he is unemployed and at risk of losing everything which made me feel bad for almost putting him to tears in that car ride. But I also feel like it had to be done. What are your thoughts? Am a shitty son for doing this? He a shitty father? Both?
View related questions:
debt, lost his job, money, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous female reader,
Thanks a lot. Your response really helped me gather insight to the situation. I hope I won't let this turn me into a bitter son and never talk to my parents again. They're really not that bad and I while it still does hurt, he realizes his actions now and I realize that it was an honest mistake. Despite how frustrating it still is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Well.. some people just remain people even when they are parents. It pinches them to provide for someone else. They may not be bad human beings but they are not dependable parents. Your dad sounds like that.
You, on the other hand, sound like you did a great job with a bad situation. You started earning and are now in college and will soon reap the rewards of it.
It's fair to be angry with your dad, but as you say, he was not all bad. He couldn't be cause he seems to have raised a nice son who's wants to do the right thing even when he's angry.
Someday you will work out the limits of your attachment to your parents. You will work out to what extent you want them in your life, whether you want to be there for them in financial, social, emotional ways and how... And you will realise that the man your dad was will not influence how much you think you need to do Or what you think you owe them :)
...............................
|
