A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am at my lowest and I need help. I am a 16 year old girl and in about 15 days I will be 17, I have only ever had two serious relationships and the second one was months and months ago. For the last 5 months I haven't even had as much as a compliment let alone anything like sex, not to mention the thought of it now just puts me off entirely. A while ago I got involved with a boy, I have always had bad self esteem, and he was my first ever boyfriend. I also ended up getting invovled in a certain friend group, and we all got on so well, anyway long story short, as time went on and the first boyfriend turned out to be nothing more than a lying scumbag, each memeber out of that friend group took turns in telling me how much they loved me and each time whoever it was I fell right into the trap. Anyway fast forwarding, some time later, and after a lot of therapy I suddenly catch on and realize none of them guys loved me or had any feelings for me at all, all each of them wanted was sex, and I fell right into the trap. That experience has now left me with no self esteem, no desire for anyone and the thought of anything physical simply repulses me, I am having therapy and working through the issues but I need some advice from just an everyday person. I want to change everything, I want to change the way I look, my weight, my everything. And lately I have been trying so hard to do it. I don't feel right in my own skin anymore, I feel like a giant orge, and I need to just get rid of this feeling, I have been on a strict diet for about a week and have put weight on instead and I don't know but it just feels like my goal isn't working. Can someone just give me some advice?
View related questions:
no desire, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2014): Is your diet being managed by a nutritionist, or your family doctor? If not...stop!
You should always consult with your doctor; before trying out diets. Diets under emotional stress and frustration fail badly each and every time. You end up sick. Usually gaining more weight; because you're losing for all the wrong reasons. Other people and not your own health and well-being.
*SMACK!!! *
Now that I've gotten your attention. What can you do about diet and losing some weight. What should someone who is hardly old enough to vote supposed to do about her figure?
Take long brisk walks. Run up the stairs. Go online and learn exercises you an do; just standing without using weights of bands. They're fun.
Get videos for dancer-cise. Walk backwards up a flight of stairs. Sit in a chair and raise your knees to your chest.
Dancing and moving the right body-parts will firm things up.
You are just a kid. Most of your weight is baby-fat; and will trim down naturally; because your body is still growing and changing.
Ride a bike. You will have glorious legs and curvy buns.
The right jeans make all body-types look fabulous!
You can't go wrong eating nuts, fresh fruit, lot's of veggies, beans and lentils. Give up sugar. No junk snacks or sweet cakes. Sorry, give up the sodas for water and fruit juice with no added sugar or fructose corn syrup.
If you can pronounce the artificial sweetener, it's chemical. Avoid it.
Drink lot's of water. Hope you like yogurt and almond milk.
You might go easy on bread. Eat brown rice, and whole wheat pasta, in the place of white rice and regular pasta.
Grill or back your fish and chicken. Eat four small healthy meals a day. Three hours apart. Your snacks can include apple sauce, cheese, health bars, nuts, apples, oranges, bananas, and berries. You'll get so used to it, it will become easy. You can plunge a banana and strawberries into nonfat milk, and liquify the mix into a blender for a morning smoothie. You can add kiwi fruit, carrot juice, and fresh squeezed oranges to unsweetened apple juice, to create drinks to replace soft drinks. Most fruit juices off the grocery shelf are full of sweeteners and sugar. Read the labels for the unpronounceable chemicals, and count the calories. The lower the grams of sugar and salt, the less chemicals and coloring, the more organic. The better for you. Take multi-vitamins.
You are growing up. You're taking notice of things that really didn't matter to you a couple of years ago, and it's over-whelming.
You take it all in stride and realize that everyone you see around you, that are a few years older, were once in your place. We felt frustrated, awkward, and abused by fake friends also. Sometimes that happens well into adulthood. So be prepared, but not discouraged. We learn from going through all that junk. Can you believe it? We have to. It toughens you up for the real world. You haven't seen nothing yet!
Boys don't mature psychologically as fast as girls. Sorry, you had to put up with the infantile asshats that you've dealt with so far. We guys sometimes get worse before we get better. We grow out of it, if we're lucky. Sometimes we reach 80, and get worse. Don't worry, everything is sagging and wrinkled by then; and it doesn't matter.
Try to learn to deal with the tough stuff. Smile when you darn well feel like it. Your therapy is there when teen-life gets too much for you. Your inner-strength and self-esteem is actually in your hands. Nature gave it to you as a survival tool. Find it and use it. Nobody really ever took it away, you just didn't realize you had it.
You believe the media-hype that make-up, a skinny body, and long luxurious hair extensions is going to make everybody love you, and you'll love yourself.
Go that path and discover the reality of things. It's the stupid stuff people believe, and have to find out through life experience just how stupid it really is. Telling you that now is useless; until you find out I was right on your own. Somethings you have to learn through trial and error. Only the media and a bunch of bullies can tell you rubbish that you'll believe straightaway. You don't listen to smart people as quickly. That's the way teens think.
Common-sense stuff comes from the school of hard knocks, that's what we call "life." It sort of beats you into shape, and you learn a whole bunch of things that didn't make sense while you're your age now. You're not supposed to worry about too much junk now. Life is supposed to be fun. Worries aren't supposed to come until you have to pay bills and taxes.
Try and push yourself to realize life is good. Even when you have setbacks. Stop hating the mirror. You're only turning 17! Look at all the life you've got to look forward to! Things can change for the better! You've got so much time to discover ways to improve yourself. Places to go and things to do. You haven't been on this earth long enough to grow your wisdom teeth!!!
Stop expecting beauty to be the key to success. Your appearance may not be what's holding you back. It could be a bad attitude, and people pick up on it when you hate yourself. People like that are annoying and make me itch.
Everyone will avoid people like that; because it's uncomfortable to be around them. Always complaining and squirming in their own skin. Claiming to be so ugly; when no one sees it but them.
Always jealous of others, but never realizing their own special qualities. You feel sorry for them, but then...you get tired of hearing them complain. You know why? Because we all go through it. It's called the human condition.
Birth,life-experience, reproduction; then death.
You are a very young girl. You are facing puberty. Putting up with an army of people your own age; who choose being jerks over treating each other right. Making fun of each other and being cruel, like it's an exercise or something.
Using social media as a a new tool to destroy each other,
and lose all your natural sensitivities.
You must stand a head above all that non-sense; because your journey through life has hardly begun at 17. You don't have wrinkles, aches and pains. Creaky joints, and gray hair!
So you feel a little fat, huh? Ladies over thirty would throw you down a well complaining at 17!!! You can be anything you want, change anything you want. It won't matter until you love yourself first. Beauty queens commit suicide around the clock. Movie stars and super-models are in the tabloids; because beauty and money didn't make life perfect. It didn't find them real love, and they are only human.
My dear, we are the masters of our own fate. Too many young people let bullying and peer pressure take complete control of their lives. They put total power into the hands of other people, to rule over their feelings and actions.
You simply can't surrender to them so easily! MEAN PEOPLE TOTALLY SUCK! We can't just rollover and let them rule.
I don't know about you, but I'm not!
I can't see you. I know you've got spunk. You got mad when those jerks turned on you. You got help when it got to much for you. You're now seeking more advice.
I know why.
You're not going to let them get you down. You know you shouldn't feel bad about yourself. At the same time, you know maybe you can fix some things; because you are fighting to take back your power. You want to be strong, and ready to take on the world. Not let the world stomp you down.
You will discover your power. However; it takes a life-time to discover your full potential. Enjoy the journey. Have some fun along the way. Learn to laugh! Town the frown upside down, little lady!
Just remember. You're just a kid, not quite a woman yet. You trying to be a woman too fast. You're worrying about sex and looks, and getting attention from boys. It will come.
You just need an attitude adjustment, so you can see life is just as good, as it is bad. Actually better. The glass is half full. You've been looking at the downside too long. Don't your eyeballs roll upward? Were they painted on like a wooden doll? Stop looking at the ground, and start looking toward the sky.
Life is awesome. Oh, if I could be 17 again! I'd take it from you and run with it! Well, I can't. So I guess you've got to do the best you can with it.
Good luck!
|
