A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:girl from my boyfriend's past showed up at my shop and I don't know what to think of my bf's reaction to what she said! Sorry if this is long, but I don't know what to make of this!I work as a makeup artist/consultant at a mall. Anyway, Thursday this girl came by, looking at a few products. I guess I noticed her because she was very beautiful. Super long shiny hair, naturally pretty face, fit body, you get the drill. Anyway, she asked me what I'd recommend for her and we had a nice chat, her complimenting me on my eyes and asking for a few basic makeup techniques. I explained and showed her the products. She bought them but stayed in the store for a while because it was raining outside. So we chatted some typical girl chat, got talking about boyfriends and such and I guess his name came up. She basically stopped, repeated his name and the town (we live in a small town) and asked if his last name was the same thing she ended up saying. I'd never seen her before, but my bf is a pretty good looking guy and he's had a few exes. Plus his first name is uncommon. So I asked: "Do you know him?"She: "Yeah, from a while back." She wasn't really smiling, I actually thought she looked a bit sad/mad. Me: "From where?"Her: "Just tell him that X said hello."Me: "What does that mean?"Her: "You'll have to ask him. Maybe he'll be honest. It's not what you think though."After that she quickly thanked me for the service and left. I was pretty freaked out. Anyway, when I came home I confronted him immediately. He had this weird look on his face, like he didn't believe it. He kept asking me if she really said X. Turns out she was from his high school. When I asked what X meant he kept dodging the subject until I was fed up and asked him if he cheated on me. He assured me he didn't, that she was the last person that would happen with. He then said X was her name. I of course didn't believe that. So then he said that was the name he and later everyone in school called her. Apparently, there was a comic popular back then in which the main character was alone on the world and referred to as X. He admitted his friends and him started to call her X and joked she too was alone on the world because no-one else liked her. It basically comes down to this: he and his friends bullied her because she was a shy awkward teen who didn't fit in anywhere. And because they were popular, everyone else joined in as well.I was horrified to hear this of course because up until now I've only seen my boyfriend as the kind person he is now. So I asked him how long this took place and he said "a few years." I asked again, he admitted "4 years." I asked him why he treated her so terribly. He said he doesn't know. "Stupid teenage stuff." I don't know, something about the way he said that makes me suspect there's more to the story.What do you guys think? It's just so weird to me that he'd bully anyone. eems And this girl was super pretty, so I doubt she was ugly as a teen. He's just being weird about the story. I really had to drag it out of him and he's still evasive about it. As for her, why do you think she'd want me to know? To ruin the relationship? Ugh, someone tell me what to think!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input.
About her saying "it's not what you think" I thought she meant it wasn't about cheating. Because honestly, that was my first thought, the whole cryptic way she went about it. Well, it turned out not to be what I thought, thank god but yeah, this is not great either.
There's a new twist to the story, I found out today. Also, apparently the mods censored my post a bit. The "X" is actually a number. They all called her that because it's a bad number. I told him it was despicable to refer to someone as a number instead of their name and he said he really regrets how he behaved back then.
So I asked him to come clean about everything. He said I didn't want to know, but I persisted and he told me. Turns out, he actually fancied her but she said no and after that the bullying started. After a while it just got out of hand. He and his friends did some really shitty stuff, like ruining her bike because they knew she came from far and had to walk miles back in the rain, hiding her bag and books, telling everyone she had lice, telling her she was ugly, worthless, etc. It was pretty terrible.
He was open about it finally, so I'm happy that he chose to share this with me. But this basically went on until he was 18 and graduated. He's 25 now and I've known him for 2 years (been together for 1) so I know it's been a while, but still, the idea he could be horrible to a person for such a long time kinda puts everything I thought I knew about him in a different light.
I want to disregard it and I'm happy he shared it all with me as I know that must have been hard, but still. I don't know...Is it really stupid teenage stuff people automatically grow out of when they get older? Or is it a personality trait that could resurface? Am I overreacting?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): I'd break up with him right now if I were you. People don't change and you just learned who he truly is.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 If X had simply terminated your conversation you would have been left even more in the dark.
Your boyfriend was a bully, and it seems he was one of the ring leaders and not just a brainless follower. It also appears he is either embarressed or reluctant to people know what he was truly like at school.
That's not to say he is still a bully, maybe he regrets his actions. You need to give him the benefit of the doubt and move on. Hopefully he will be an alert and aware parent and if he gets a whiff of HIS kids being bullies, or being bullied, he will act in an appropriate manner.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (23 September 2012):
I really think you're worrying over nothing.
1. Just because someone seems all sweet and nice now, doesn't mean they weren't a bully in high school. I know some boys in school that were mean to me and now they're sweet as pie, even to me. A lot of it is "stupid teenage stuff." I know even I was mean to certain kids and it's just because that's the way it was; I certainly don't treat people that same now as an adult as I did when I was a teen.
2. He probably feels bad about it and doesn't want to talk about it. I doubt she would have said, "It's not what you think it is," had it really been anything. For all we know, he made her cry everyday and it bothers him for being such a jerk.
3. Just because she's pretty doesn't mean she wouldn't have been picked on. I knew pretty girls in school, but they might have been kind of dorky or awkward and still got made fun of. Maybe her family was poor and couldn't afford nice stuff and now she can dress herself better or maybe she has better hygiene now. Whatever the case, she might not have been "cool" enough and with how immature boys are, they tend to pick on the pretty "uncool" girls, but have no problem flirting with the pretty popular girls.
I doubt she cares enough about him or your relationship to want to ruin in. But people remember getting bullied in school and she certainly remember him. I know when I see some of those boys when I go back home for a visit, they don't get a smile and wave from me, usually they get a dirty look and the cold shoulder. I'm sure in a way she said something to get you thinking a little bit that maybe your "prince charming" isn't so charming. In the end, she probably didn't really mean a whole lot by it and you really should quit worrying about it. The past is the past and it's done; people change.
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