A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and I've been in a relationship with another boy for a year now, he is nearly 13. We keep it secret (well that's obvious!), not least of all because we are at the same school but in different years. We meet outside of school and spend time together away from the area, or at each other's homes, we did a lot of camping together last summer, my friends parents let me take him away because, I'm a bit older and sensible and in the top sets for all my GCSE's. A good influence and a good friend. They don't know about all the sex!However, we got caught together by another boy who is in one of my sets at school. He's spreading the story around school and he's saying things such as I'm going to go to jail, even saying it in front of teachers. I've not seen my friend for a couple of weeks, its a very large school and we decided to keep a distance until all the noise dies down and not identify each other, we txt and talk online, but he's getting picked on now and I'm afraid this might split us up, or our parents might find out. I miss him a lot and think about him all the time. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): its sad that ppl can't embrace who you are. If either of my sons turn out gay I'm ok with that. compleatly. it doesn't change my love for themyour not breaking any laws either. just some ppl are jerks
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Oh dear,
These things happen in life, schools and society, homophobia is all around us, the legalistic positions that may or may not be taken by "The Authorities", relationships end, other people interfering when anything you may or may not have been doing did no harm to anyone and may have been quite exciting.
First of all, forget for a moment the law. You are two young people one aged almost 13 the other aged maybe just sixteen (just 18 months to three years difference). You may have been doing some thing that perhaps 20% of boys aged 11-13 do anyway without any long lasting effects, some carry on a for a few more years, but it does not necessarily mean that either of you are 100% gay or you are going to adopt a gay lifestyle, and there is nothing wrong if you decide that is you.
The pattern of developing human relationships, just like learning is not uniform. The 16 year old may not have many friends his own age and finds the company of a particular the 13 year old ok, equally the 13 year old may like the company of the 16 year old in preference to his school classmates. The situation could change for either friend tomorrow, the day the older one leaves school and discovers further Education and a new set of mates. Or the 13 year old finds a pal in his own class...I'm sure he has some if he can relate to a 16 year old.
There is not enough information here to make a judgement, but regardless of what the law says....No one has been hurt! The authorities have the capacity to traumatise these two young peoples lives, but the reality is if they are careful as Grimm suggests....no one will get hurt.
It would be a different matter if the older boy was a bit older 20, 25, 30 etc. That would be abusive, but 13 and 16... no!
I say enjoy your boyhood, don't take things too seriously yet, think about other friends and lovers out there, but "be careful", and above all be safe, be happy, and don't get hung up on other peoples moral panics, you are perfectly normal, and its perfectly normal to be upset in the present circumstances.
As for parents, some would take it in their stride "...oh my son is gay, better warn him about the law", or in the case of the other parents "...oh so that's "Anon's" interest in my boy, oh well [ their son ]
will either grow out of it or he is gay anyway so why traumatise him now"?
OR
They they will react badly, and damage their relationship with their son.
Only "anon" has the answer to this, and this might be part of his concern.
Maybe both need to get hold of some websites for parents of gay children as an emergency measure if the relationship does become exposed.
take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): Im sorry things have gone the way they have for you but the fact is that your friend is a minor he is underage and it is illegal so you could be in trouble. I suggest that you finish this relationship immediately I know it will be difficult for you has breaking up with someone you still want is never easy but it is the right thing for you to do.
There is nothing wrong with being gay at all but gay or straight underage sex is exactly that underage and to be honest with you although I dont want to scare you too much but with your partner being so young it is leaning towards child abuse. If anything does come of it and parents are informed you will end up with the worst end of the stick, because it could be argued that your 12 year old partner has been groomed by you.
I do hope that things work out well for you in the long run but seriously age gaps are fine as you get older but not at the ages you 2 are. Have you thought about looking for a relationship with someone nearer your own age? You probably should it would be wiser to.
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A
female
reader, Carrie191204 +, writes (22 April 2009):
I would be very careful about this as you are of legal age and he is not!!!!It would be the same if you were in a relationship with a girl of 13years!!Maybe there is a school counsellor or a teacher you could both talk to about the teasing. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents but if its a good one and you feel you can,i would talk to them....my brother is gay and came out to us when he was 15,he felt like a weight had been lifted after....then maybe you can talk to a sibling or parent about this situation!?!?
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A
male
reader, Griim  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Gay or not you are still having a sexual relationship with a 12 year old! This is illegal in the UK as you are having sex with a minor. Sexual Offences Act 2003 (English Law - does not apply to Scotland) states that it is illegal to have any sexual contact with somebody under 16, penetrative or not, even if you are both under 16. Ignore the guy who says you might go to jail but if the authorities do get involved your parents will be told. I think the best advice I can give is to discontinue the sexual aspect of your relationship with this boy until he is 16. Ignore the taunts of your peers because it will eventually become old news and people will stop caring. Just concentrate on your studies for now and don't worry, you will live trough this!Good luck!
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