A
male
age
,
*parkplug
writes:I love this married woman. We were sweethearts as young teenagers. But trouble at home kept me at bay. I too was like one of the guys in a group. Gradually days without her turns into weeks then turns into months then years.38 years have past. During this time, I date twice but no close relationship turns out of either one. One day I come across and read old love letters sent by my teenage love. I breakdown, totally depressed, in tears. I regret what I had done to her. I feel a need to contact her and explain I didn't return because of another woman, that I always loved her and nobody else. My love for her takes anew from where it left off many years back. I begin searching for her on the internet. I find out contact information about her and also that she had married. My half of my letter of confession turns into a plea for some of her time spent on me. I know this is wrong. So why in the hell do I ask her something like that? Why do I fall in love with her? Can someone explain please?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sparkplug +, writes (22 November 2009):
sparkplug is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you C. Grant for your insight and advice to my situation.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 November 2009):
 Our first loves hold a special place in our hearts and memories. Usually as life goes on that first love remains as no more than a memory, as we go on to build lives with others.
That there hasn't been another lasting relationship in your life leaves you vulnerable to the feelings you're having now. While it's not unreasonable for you to dwell on your memories given how your life has turned out, I can't think it's particularly healthy, either. You're remembering a teenage crush from 38 years ago. There's no way she's the same person you loved back then.
A letter sent decades later with a genuine desire to apologise and explain can be OK with the right motive. But honestly, your motive sounds like something less honourable. You want another shot at this girl, despite the fact that she long ago chose to make her life with someone else. As long as that's the case, getting in touch with her now is selfish on your part, destructive to her if she's in a decent relationship, and more than likely to cause you more pain overall.
It would be far more healthy for you to meet someone who shares your current interests, and to start fresh.
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