A
male
age
36-40,
*tnStock
writes: My problem is intimacy. In the beginning of this relationship we fooled around almost everyday, now its extremely hard for me to get "turned on" for her. I have read countless articles about my supposed diminished libido, stress and the like, though none of it seems to accurately apply to my situation and I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm still horny, jerk off daily, want to have sex with every attractive girl I see, just not my girlfriend. Its to the point that sometimes when she kisses me or cuddles me I cringe. I have sex with her these days not because I want to but because I feel obligated to. Is this normal? We have been together for three years now, my longest relationship. In the beginning we were high or drunk 7 days a week and led the party lifestyle. When we both got jobs that forced us to quit our relationship took a drastic turn. We are still best friends, there is no one else I would want to hang out with, we can converse for hours on end, go for months without seeing another human being and I love it. My worry is that she is too much like a friend/sister now for me to get turned on, or that sober, I am not attracted to her. Lately I notice things that hugely turn me off, yet they did not seem to bother me in the first two years, or perhaps I was not sober enough to notice them. I see married couples that have been together for decades that can barely keep their hands off of each other and I am envious. I've felt head over heels in love with women before, but always under shorter circumstances, Not to be lewd but I still think of those girls when I masturbate, something I have never been able to do with my current girl, I can't help but wonder if that means something. Am I doing something wrong or is she just not the "one"?? Please give your thoughts, and apologies if this was long winded. Been on my mind for some time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 February 2016):
 Off course it means something. A relationship has a lot of different components. If you are not attracted to her then I think you see her as more off a friend. Yes this does make a difference in a relationship because there needs to be a sexual attraction. It should never feel like a chore. When you both got together you where high and drunk so everything seemed great, now you have pulled your life together you are still close with her but just not attracted to her. I think the kindest thing you can do for both of you is to end this. Go find a woman who you are attracted to, and let her find a man who finds her the center of his earth. Good luck.
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