A
female
age
41-50,
*atnip
writes:I am very confused and unsure what to do anymore, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. We have lots in common , he is a kind man, I can trust him and rely on him. Before I met him I had not had much luck with men, always got hurt and used. Anyway things started well for the first year or so but things have just deteriarated worse and worse. Lots of things have happened over the last couple of years to cause alot of stress, there is alot of problems with his mother who lives with him , this has caused lots of arguements between us, he asked me to move in with him and start a life together which was hard what with his mother and all but I thought it would be ok , then she started more problems and then even her carers have interfered and caused issues. Basically to cut along story short we dont get on anymore really, we argue about everything , he seems to irritate me all the time. I think all the stress of his mother has just ruined our relationship , we have spent so much time argueing about it and nothing else. Other problems are we dont have sex anymore, I find him good looking but I dont fancy him , I dont want to have sex with him ,at first I thought it was me not having a libido but its not. Basically i know its over but I am very scared , I am doing what lots of people do , staying with him cos I am used to him and dont want to be alone. I dont have many friends and am estranged from my family. I live with him and I lost my job a few months ago and have found it very difficult to find a new one. So I feel dependant on him , which I hate, I feel trapped. I am really scared what to do, I am scared I wont ever meet anymore and no one would want me. I feel guilty as I know he should have someone better too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Hard to say, especially since you are living with him, but maybe you could suggest a trial separation and still consider each other a partner, but move out on your own for awhile to see if your relationship improves. If not, it will be easier to end it after moving out.
A
female
reader, febbyfebby  +, writes (17 February 2009):
well, u know what, im a type of girl like that too,dont like the idea being alone. i know u feel trapped, but let me say something, why dont u just take it slow, plan your next step.
1. talk with your bf, tell him ure not happy, u feel trapped, u dont like his mom, u want to work, and u think u should have a break first, not called it break up. only time alone. if things can be changed then try to make it up.
2. find a job.as fast as it can be, go find a job decent that maybe u even dont like it first but u have interested ( mean not too good income also fine )
3. find a place to stay. even with your friend. share apartment with them, no matter if u sleep in couch if u really cant take it anymore with ur bf, but if u still can take, save your money, and live with bf first for a month while u struggle to find place. told ur friend u rent and share. or find apartment for bot of u, no need to be closed friend ( better if close , but its fine if not close as long u know she's ok. dont ever pick housemate that a guy, or else ur bf thinks u re dump him coz this guy ). or while stay at your friend you pay for gas or something,tell ur friend u dont have a lot of cash rite now.
and then u told him, its over. seems hard and dont like to be alone, but u depressed and not happy, u still young, needs fun. in meanwhile, if ure really fit each other, he will ask u back after he feels there's something missing and he willingly to fix everything.
cheers
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