A
female
age
36-40,
*avj
writes:hi cupids, ive been with my guy for 3yrs.we have a boy of 2yrs.he's been divorced from a previous marriage.he wanted to marry me last june which i refused.because of the way he treats me.i am very confused.i still stay in his house.i cry almost everyday.i'm always alone in the house.this man come home very late at night,at times he wouldnt even talk to me for about 3days.its only when he wants to have sex thats when he talks to me.last saturday this man slapped me when i seized his car keys and requested that he should take me out.he has not taken me out for about 6months now.my brother found him on that saturday evening with another woman at a restaurant.When i asked him he said that she is an old friend.he travels a lot due to the nature of his work,when he is away he never call,ive been calling all the time.is like i've working hard to maintain this relationship.but this man really wants to marry me. yesterday he went to my parents and have fix 27th nov as the wedding day.what is he up to?does he really loves me?i want to leave him because im afraid the situation might get worse or will he change after marriage?is he treating me this way because i refused to marry him last june?i was scared.im confused pls advice me on what to do.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (21 October 2011):
don't marry him, things will only get worse after marriage. He doesn't love you, if he did he wouldn't be treating you this way. The reason he wants you to marry him is not because he loves you, it's because he gains benefits from being married. Men (and women) once they get past a certain age or life stage see marriage as a status symbol. Some people who are not married have an anxiety that others see them as being abnormal, or as inadequate. Another reason he wants to get married is because he's controlling and marriage is a way to tighten his control over you through a legal contract.
marriage won't magically turn his horrible personality into a prince charming. What you see now, is what you will get unless it gets worse.
A
female
reader, sbuxton3  +, writes (20 October 2011):
toughen up for the sake of your own mental health and that of your childs, would you allow anyone to treat your son the way your partner treats you? I don't think so... Love yourself, respect yourself and stay healthy - body, mind and soul!Your a victim of Domestic Violence - do an internet search on it - Your partner is a dominating control freak, and if you allow him to put a ring on your finger it won't improve things - he treats you the way he does because you allow it... your still hanging around, your still with him, get out of this situation quickly before your son becomes older and starts questionning the relationship between his parents, would you be proud of your son if he grows up to treat his girlfriends the way his father has treated you? He's making you feel like crap - when he's meant to making you feel the opposite. You and your child deserve better! Children are victims of Domestic Violence too... that man don't love you - the signs are there... pay attention to thosE alarm bells ringing! When you leave him, your miss him for a while and feel lonely with low self esteem etc - but in time youR be looking back on all this feeling proud of yourself, knowing you did the right thing. Life ain't other for you yet.. and your life will be what you want it ot be - what you make it, no one else!Learn from this experience - us it as a positive - it will make you stronger, you ain't gona die if you leave him - life goes on and it can be really good - your the one in the driving seat, don't allow anyone to control you - take control of yourself!Stay strong!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 October 2011):
 He cannot stay faithful to you, he cannot treat you with respect? He is abusive and unkind. He does not even know what is love.How could your parents be so duped by this terrible man that they did not discuss this with you first.Find a reason to visit your family with your child. Do not make it look as if you are leaving. But you should quietly pack anything that is valuable to you like jewellery or important like identity papers into your handbag.In any case it is normal and natural todiscuss a marriage. But calmly tell your family how cruel and unkind he is. What is the reason he keeps you at home, and is so imsistent on a marriage?Does he seek some benefit from your family? Be as calm as possible with your parents, but do detail how abusive thus man is.Do you know of any facility in your country for abused battered women? A woman's shelter?Is the culture of your country where woman find it more difficult to get support about domestic abuse? Where a marriage to anyone, even someone abusive is accepted? And supported by the girl's family, even after she has detailed the abuse?If your parents will not listen to you then do you have a wise caring Aunt or brother who could listen to you and be prepared to help you?I am truly sorry for you and your child. It is NOT acceptable to be abused.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 October 2011):
 With all the description you give.... you call this a "relationship"???? .... and did and still do, consider to MARRY this dog?????
C'mon... please wake up and STOP this horrible nightmare that you are living.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
 He is abusing you.
silent treatments are abuse
hitting you is abuse
why are your parents agreeing to this marriage?
can you take your child and go home to your parents.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): Do not marry this man! He is not a gentleman and this will not improve. If you get married there will be no way out and if u divorce him, then you will have that added to you reputation. DO NOT MARRY HIM. PLEASE! Be strong now it will be the biggest decision of youy life!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 October 2011):
 You MUST NOT marry this man! He does not love you, he only wants to control you. He is nasty, abusive and the beatings and ill treatment will only continue and get worse.
Go back to your parents: tell them what you have told us and emphasize that you DO NOT want to marry him, and you WILL NOT agree to marriage! Ask your brother to help you to leave his house, if you can't get out on your own.
Go to the police, let them know what's going on.
TAKE ACTION NOW!!!
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