A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in the very common situation, where i have strong love-like feelings for a friend - who i've only known since September. But these feelings are real, I think about him non-stop. However, i'm a little confused right now and was hoping you could help me analyze the situation.We started off as casual friends at college, all was good. I was desperate for him to know how i felt about him and tried to show him this however, the message didnt seem to get through to him. So i went to the extreme of saying "I love you" to him at a party, i was drunk. Anyway, when i got home i emailed him saying that i really meant it and so on. Then he replied saying how he wants to get back with his ex and that they're getting closer again since she dumped him. And in addition wrote that he knows how hard it is to stay friends with someone after breaking up with them (in other words, didn't want to risk our friendship) - Then after all of this, we became a bit awkward with each other (temporarily) but things have calmed down since, it has been about 6 weeks now.However, (the part what is confusing me) He is now dating a girl from college - so, for him to get with her he surely must have moved on from his ex? who he claimed to 'really like' at the time. But what about me? Has he lied to me about his ex, as a way to say that me and him are never gonna happen? The fact that he's got a girlfriend, who i see quite often really bothers me. I don't know the girl, but she does have a bad reputation from what i've heard from other people.So basically, can you make any sense of the fact that he rejected me, because he wants to get back with his ex, then 6 weeks later starts going out with someone else?? He is such a nice person, i hope he isn't purposely trying to hurt me. I've seen them hold hands a few times and it kills me inside. I'm trying to act 'cool' with it. But surely, he must be aware of how much this is hurting me?Help me, please :(x
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female
reader, Lauren.. +, writes (18 December 2008):
 Hii think that your friend is trying to tell you that he does not like you as more than a friend, without actually saying those words. He doesnt want to hurt your feelings, which shows that he must really value your friendship.Perhaps he is unaware that you are hurting, and the fact that you took back saying that you loved him, meant that he thought that it was a joke, and that you werent interested in him. Therefore, he saw no reason why he shouldnt start seeing another girl.As i dont know the full situation, it is hard to tell you a true answer, but if you are acting 'cool' around this boy, he may think all is well between you two. I think that maybe you shoud take this opportunity, to think that maybe he really does just like you as a friend, and that it is ok to just be friends with him. It is going to hurt at first, but you will not be helping yourself at all by dwelling on it all of the time. He is seeing someone else, maybe you could think about moving on aswell?Good Luckx
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