A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So for around 2 years I’ve been donating regularly to an animal shelter. The lady that worked there was lovely- she often came to pick items up from my home (I don’t drive) and we’d have a nice chat. On occasions when I wasn’t home I’d leave the items on my porch and she’d message me to let me know she picked them up and thank me.Unfortunately she left and I started to deal with her colleague who wasn’t the most pleasant person. The first time I contacted her to collect some food and bedding she reluctantly agreed to collect the items after I explained I don’t drive and that her colleague (and their website state the do collect). When she came over she was quite rude, she didn’t thank me she just took the items and left. A couple of months later my friends dog had died and she had lots of toys and food she wanted to donate, so I once again contacted this lady to collect the items from me. I explained that I would the items on my porch as I wouldn’t be in and for her to message me once she got them.She collected them but never told me until I asked and even then it was a “yea” reply- no thanks again!I continued donating a couple more times but her attitude was really putting me off. She was always abrupt and sometimes never messaged me back for weeks when I had items for her. She’d also mess me around when she was due to collect things by not turning up and not letting me know. I then decided to donate to another animal shelter- as I had some treats and food that after 3 weeks she never contacted me about collecting (despite me sending her several messages) and this other shelter were much more pleasant and grateful to deal with. So I continued donating to them instead. Out of the blue the other day (after 4 months that I asked her about the food and treats) she told me she would be picking them up. I told her that I had already donated them elsewhere as she hadn’t responded for 4 months! She then gave me a guilt trip about how they were relying on my donations etc…. This really annoyed me as I pointed out I had messaged her several times (which she had seen) but never confirmed with me. She never replied back. Now I’m feeling really bad as if I’ve left their shelter down but out of principle I will not help them out again. She’s unfortunately the only person covering the area I’m in otherwise I’d be happy to deal with another colleague but this isn’t possible.Am I at fault here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2023): Many charities get asked to pick up stuff - all the time. To do this is very time consuming and costly. The person in charges usually wants to know what it is that is on offer to make sure it is worth the time and costs involved first.
Small things they expect you to take in yourself.
My local animal shelter has a huge heap of dog baskets, blankets etc outside their building each and every morning, where people have taken them there and left them to be taken in and used when they open. Imagine if every one of those expected it to be collected instead. It would be cheaper for you to send the items in a taxi than it is for them to come and collect it.
I knew a guy once who expected a charity to send someone over at their own expense to collect one book. Where does this end?
Is your main concern for the animals or is it for yourself?
That you want someone to come around and chatter to you when you feel down or lonely? That is not their job.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2023): You resolved the issue splendidly, you chose another shelter that was more polite and grateful for your donations. There is no need to deal with drama, or go back and forth with rude staff who are snotty and ungrateful. In fact, you shouldn't want someone like this woman on your property; especially, when you don't hear from her and she doesn't pickup your donations according to their policy. She may not even be a paid employee; so volunteering her time makes her self-important and difficult to deal with. Many people who are animal-lovers don't like people. Which makes no sense to me!
End this, and don't dwell on it. Give to someone who appreciates your kindness and returns your contribution with gratitude. It's the animals that benefit from your donations, not the people.
If the animals could talk, they'd thank you themselves!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2023): I see your point of view and feel sorry for you, but I see their point of view too. People who work at these places are very very busy and get lots of people asking them to pick things up. If they said yes to all of them they would need ten times the amount of staff, staff that are hard to come by as they work for free. In many cases people expect them to pick up tiny things which are not worth much and not worth their time and petrol. As for staying to chat to you that is kind but you cannot expect it off busy people who have to run around all over the place with lots of people to see to.
That is a bit like paying you for those items. Lots of these sort of charities get people, often disabled people, the mentally ill or the elderly, who say please come and pick up when the truth is it is not worth the petrol and time for what it is or they are doing it because they are lonely and want attention. The people who are collecting from you will think their time is better spent in the office or seeing to animals or whatever.
I am also interested to know how come you cannot deliver the things yourself yet when they come over you are out. Out despite not having a car to travel with? Unless you walked to somewhere very near?
It is the same with meals on wheels. People ask meals on wheels to deliver them their lunch and moan because they drop it off and rush off. But they have to deliver to lots of people and if they stopped to chat for fifteen minutes each time they would not be able to deliver to everyone.
It is very much the same thing.
You seem to see this as a very upsetting big rejection when it is simply someone who is running something and very busy working out the best use of her time for the sake of the animals as much as for themselves. You should be glad this one is more organised and values her time that much.
Very often people who do voluntary work are not that blessed with common sense and waste a lot of time. I used to run a large charity and saw it many, many times. It can be a case of if you pay peanuts (in this case nothing) you get monkeys.
By all means avoid this woman/ this charity, in the future. And it is ridiculous to expect you to keep emailing and waiting months for a pick up. But to me that is better than them spending lots of time on visiting people for chats, or emailing back and forth, wasting valuable time.
The animals benefit from this time saving so the new lady is more efficient than the old one. She is there to please the animals not you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 May 2023):
 Are you at fault?
No. Just block her.
You found a shelter where staff taking in the donations were actually grateful, she wasn't.
Don't feel guilty. Her ATTITUDE is why there are no more donations from you.
NO ONE in their right mind can expect you to hold on to donations for 4 months.
Stop beating yourself up and keep donating to the new shelter.
BLOCK her number, you OWE her nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2023): No, you are not at fault. 4 months ? This is ridicolous - anybody would have assumed that for somecreason she did not want or need the stuff anymore. Then again, it's not like you have thrown it away - you have donated it for the same cause but to another shelter. It may be true that the first one was relying upon your donations- but so probably also the second shelter is /will be ,from now on. If I were you ,I would not overthink this . You haven't done anything wrong.
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