A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 23 years old and I never had a serious relationship before. I've been in rinky dink relationships, but nothing long term. There's not really a reason for it, just bad luck, bad timing and me focusing on other things (Like work and going to college). I've been really work focused and school focused but I've realized I really want to be with someone. I think what I really want in life is a family of my own, I want to have kids someday but I don't think I'm ever going to get in a long term relationship to have one. Is it weird that when I have had sexual relationships in the past that I sometimes hoped I'd get pregnant even though I am on birth control? I know that in reality I could be ready, financially anyway, but ideally I would love to finish school and I know that is what I should do. But why is it that I sometimes HOPE that I get pregnant but yet I mindfully take precautions not to?? Is it normal to want to have a child before my life is ready for it? before I even have a serious boyfriend, let alone a husband? my fears are contradictory to my desires. I fear getting into a committed relationship. I think its because I don't know how to deal with good things happening to me, I fear being loved? But yet its the one thing I want most: A family someday. I want this more then I want the career I'm going for. My mom told me that even though I am awesome with kids and that I'd be a great mom someday (no one knows this desire, not even my mom btw, so its just something we casually talked about) she said she doesn't see that happening, she sees me being a big shot in my career (I'm going for animation) and even though I'd LOVE to go somewhere amazing with that, when it comes down to it...the bottom line is that I want children someday and I want a husband someday and a family of my own someday.right now, i'd like a boyfriend. Someone who actually wants a relationship. I am SO sick of flings, being stuck in that grey area and running away from something real.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 well yes it can be normal to want a baby even though you are not in a long term relationship there is nothing wrong with this. But believe me its so much better waiting until you are in a serious relaitonship and its what both of you want, and i think deep down you know this therefore that is why you use contraception.
Just remember you are only 23 you still have plenty of time to settle down and meet a man. You are still quite young so dont worry about that. Its good you put college and school at the top of the list though. Just go out socializing with friends and give yourself a chance to talk to men and get to know them and see what happenes.
Goodluck.
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