A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for exactly 5 weeks today. I like him, but I'm still feeling this one out. The other day, he tells me that he wants to have a baby. He's 10 years older than me, so I can understand that he wants to start a new chapter in his life. Today he tells me that his ex, the woman he broke up with right before we started dating, has contacted him telling him that she's pregnant. He's not sure if it was his, and I don't really know enough about how their relationship ended to make a sound decision. All he told me was that she was always taking him for granted and she wouldn't change. So this comes right after he tells me that he wants a baby. Whats to stop him from leaving me and going back to her now? He hasn't said anything about leaving me, but you never know. What should I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2012):
 First off, I don't care how much older he is, but I would not EVEN consider having kids with him yet. You have ONLY known him 5 weeks. It takes a lot longer to get to know someone good enough to decide having kids is the right thing.
Also, with her "maybe" being pregnant I would definitely not think the relationship is a sure thing yet.
Did you two even discuss how HE felt about HER being pregnant?
All I can say is this, a baby (hers and his) complicates EVERYTHING because with a baby in the picture the parents are bound to each other, even if they don't want to be together. So consider that. If you two start to get serious his priority will be his child and SHE will always be in the picture (which can crate so much drama, trust me on that)
Also if she just found out she is pregnant and you have dated him 5 weeks, did he go almost straight from her to you? That to me would be a red flag.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): She may not be pregnant,she may have found out he's seeing you and played her trump card. Perhaps he wanted a baby and she didn't, when they were together.
The only way to see if she is pregnant is to wait, for him and you. If she is pregnant he needs a DNA done when the babies born.
I would continue seeing him but be wary, at least your not too invested yet and sound like your heads screwed on.You know even if he doesn't go back to her it will add a child to your relationship, if the pregnant scenario is true.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): She may not be pregnant, just saying she's pregnant to get back with him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): If he stays with you then he has abondoned his responciblities, is this the kind of man you want in your life that will treat you the same and potential leave your child/children fatherless? If he stays with you he will owe her child support each month and it will come first. I'd you get married your income will be consitered in making child support payments. If there is shared custody you will care for the child part of the time. Your children will have less. Leave while you can.......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): they may have broken up and he always had problems with how she treated him, but that can all change with a baby. I dont' mean that she'll start treating him better all of a sudden, but his priorities might be changing - he might now feel it's more important to have a family and settle down that way, than to have the perfect relationship. And his ex might also feel it's more important to have a family than to be a single mom. so together they might decide that it's better to get back together and accept their flawed relationship because a baby changes everything. Or, having a baby might make him see her in a more positive light and be more tolerant of her treatment of him.
you've only known him for 5 weeks so you really don't know what kind of person he is and what he'll choose to do...if I were you I would end this relationship UNLESS it's proven that he's not the father, and unfortunately the only way to know is to get a paternity test done which will be after the baby is born. if he is the father, I would for sure end the relationship. It's difficult being in a relationship with a guy who already has kids from a previous relationship because that's always this huge part of his life that you're not part of and which he shares with his ex instead of with you, this can lead to cheating on you with the ex. There's other guys out there that you can be compatible with who dont' have this baggage.
the bright side is that at least you're not deep into this relationship yet since it's only been 5 weeks so you can end it and walk away. it would suck much worse if you were already very involved in this relationship and now find out he could be the father of someone else's kid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): You should sit tight for now and not progress your relationship any further until she has had her baby and a paternity test has been done and, if he's the father, he has decided what he wants to do.
Right now you can't make decisions for your relationship with him without knowing where he stands. And he can't know where he himself stands until he finds out if he's the father of this baby.
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