A
female
age
51-59,
*ostFan
writes:I have developed a ridiculous crush on a male coworker. We've been friends for over 3 years.We've hung out sometimes outside of work and one time even slept in the same bed (fully clothed). The night that happened, we went out together to see a band play and went back to his place. We were both pretty drunk. He hugged me and held me close and then grabbed me and pushed me on his bed and then got into bed himself, but proceeded to pass out.People ask me what would have happened had he not passed out, and I tell them, I really don't know. I wasn't consciously into him in that way when this happened. I just chalked it up to him being drunk and horny and me being the only available female in the room. This happened a year and a half ago. And we haven't really hung out together much outside of work since that night.Several months ago, the crush I think I've always had on him, finally awakened in me. I can't stop thinking about him. And we get along so well and we flirt back and forth with each other all the time. But nothing happens beyond that. He does absolutely give me signs that he is attracted to me.There are a few problems with this situation: we work in the same department and sit right next to each other. I've really thought this through and given what's happened in the past, we've been okay, so I have a feeling nothing major would happen to our friendship were things not to work out.Also, he's 11 years younger than me. Oops. LOL. I like younger guys but have never gone this young before. He's in his late 20s, FYI.We have a mutual friend at work who recently got me to admit to him that I like this guy. This friend claims he hasn't told my crush that I like him. I'm not sure I believe him, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. This friend told me I should just ask this guy out, but he wouldn't give me a clue as to whether this guy would welcome something like that. All this friend will tell me is that he's not the one to ask. So, my question is: should I ask this guy out? Or should I just tell him that I've liked him for awhile and just leave it at that?I have really tried to get over my crush and it hasn't worked, so I feel the only way to get over it now is to tell the guy and if he doesn't feel the same way, at least I'll know and I can move on.There's another problem with all of this: I can't seem to get my crush alone in a non-work related event lately. I can't wait much longer, so I was thinking the only way I can tell this guy is to text it to him, which I know is so lame, but I really feel (aside from calling him, though I really don't want to put him on the spot like that) like that is my only option.Thoughts?
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female
reader, LostFan +, writes (6 November 2011):
LostFan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. :-)
And I wanted to apologize in advance because I forgot (it was late when I wrote this question) to admit how very high school this situation sounds. LOL.
I'm going to ask him out for drinks. I just haven't had the opportunity to do it yet because I know he's been busy and I was busy all last week.
But this has gone on long enough and I will tell him (if he hasn't been told already), because I can't hold it in any longer.
And I'm sure that if he doesn't like me in that way, it would only be awkward between us for a short amount of time. We're on very good terms and I don't see that ever changing. (Hopefully I'm not way off base with that!)
Thanks again!!
A
male
reader, dufusking  +, writes (3 November 2011):
looks like a case of overthinking.
the advice i have is simply just do it, or don't.
if you feel that things could get awkward and even nasty at work if things didn't go well, just forget it.
If you think you can remain friends, then go for it.
it's important to appear that your not as into him as you really are. keep it light because your way more invested in him than he is in you (probably) and you don't want to scare him off.
the going out for a drink idea would work well i think.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Hi,
It has been 3 years already. Instead of holding your feelings for so long, why don't you ask him out? Ask him for drinks after work. Don't pressure him, or expect anything back. Just go out, spend time together, enjoy. As the friendship develops, I am sure you both can decide if you want to take the next step. You have to try to know, right? You have nothing to loose.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 dont tell via text or through other people, as both those methods lack authenticity. you have to tell him in person but its much better to tell him that you like him rather than you've built up a big crush. mention that night and say that since then he's been on your mind. also remember this could go awkward as you sit beside him all day.
invite him out for a drink in your time off. how hard can it be? be persuasive and then when his guard is down let him know. don't drink too much or wait too long i.e. dont let him get any more than merry. this way if it goes wrong you can downplay it and say- oh its cos i had that one beer. but if it goes well make it clear you did mean it!
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