A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He has a 4 year old daughter. We had a rocky start that involved getting together, breaking up, moving in together, him moving out and then finally us moving back in together.We have a great life together but we argue. Lately it's been going beyond arguing and into nasty fights. We are both very head strong and stubborn. We can’t just let things go. We even got physical earlier this week which is why I am here. We just started talking again last night and have agreed that couple's counseling is the best option for us. I can't wait until then to seek some kind of advice.If a relationship starts off with trust issues that have had a lasting affect, will I ever be able to trust him again? Will I always hold that against him? I know that the thing to do is to "forgive once and for all" easier said than done.His daughter is great. I love her very much and we are a great little family. He is a model father. I feel terribly guilty for having feelings like... well like I wish he didn't already have a “ready made” family. His ex still comes to all of his family functions. She doesn't have family of her own and so she is still very much involved with his. She is the mother of his child, everyone wants to have his daughter around and so the ex just come along with. I have tried to bring this up, this is the way it is and I am struggling to find my own place within the family. I feel like I'm standing next to his ex rather than replacing her like you do when you break up with one person and start a relationship with someone else. Once a relationship goes over center and actually becomes physical, will it ever stop? We had a very scary morning the other day. It didn't consist of him slapping me around or any of the stereotypical domestic abuse stories, we did both end up banged up though and I am concerned that it might happen again. Once you cross a line like that, can you ever re-paint the line and make sure it is never crossed again?Will I ever forgive for what happened early on in our relationship? I made the decision to be with him, we are very much in love. I CANNOT get it out of my head. He says that it will fade with time and that he will work to regain my trust, which he is. I just feel like I still punish him and I don't know when it will stop.
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): You two will get it together.. I was definitely in your shoes. My boyfriend has a daughter, and I used to feel left out because of family events. (He would too, because I have a daughter). I would be extremely hurt, especially because I was with her more than her own mother. (Whole different story). 2 years into our relationship, I got pregnant and had a baby girl... I am now very much involved in his family. And now we have our own family with our 3 girls.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 You can make this work!
You really do need counselling, this way an outsider can help you both communicate effectivly and resolve problems. Talk to each other and tell him how you feel! X
...............................
|
