A
female
age
30-35,
*oonluna22
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been off and on for 3 years. The last time we got back together, I called him and begged for him to take me back though ive been immature, selfish and hurtful in the past. We've been back together for 2 months now and it seems like hes refusing to recognize my significant changes ive made for him because of what ive done to him in the past. Now he's hurt me, in my opinion, way worse however ive put it aside and forgave but not forget and he's always bringing up things from the past and making me feel really bad. Also ive noticed that he's a lot more short tempered, impatient, bossy, and doesn't care about any of my personal views, opinions, or feelings. when he speaks on something controversial or basically requires a reaction out of me, when I begin to talk he either walks away or turns on the radio. We used to have sex twice a day, now its whenever he feels like it (which averages about 3 or 4 times a week) and I better be in the mood otherwise he'd pull up porn on his iphone and msturbate. i love him andi know he loves me too,and I understand that sometimes it's hard to make a re-relationship if there was a lot of emotional damage from the past, but ive gotten so much better, I try to make him happy, and unlike many times in our history I'm not jumping ship when things get really tough. I find myself crying in the shower, and smoking cigarettes a whole lot more and I feel like hell never let go of the past....what do I do because just writing this and thinking about it brings hurt to my heart and tears In my eyes...WHAT DO I DO?!
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male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 He probably has difficulties forgiving you and you should try earn his forgiveness and have it feel alright to him. It seems that it doesn't work the way you do things now. The changes you make are probably good for in the future but you should handle it differently to make it good in the past too. Don't ask me, I don't know how. He's flawed too so he might make mistakes too. Help him with that the way you'd want to be helped before. It's possible bitter feelings have grown over your relationship. Don't get me wrong, the core is still the same as before but imagine how you'd feel if you see something you love be tainted. Maybe that's why he's not acting the right way. In my opinion it could be that you've let him down and that he's given up being as good like before. Prove him that he shouldn't think that way. If the old ways don't work, find new ways. You two are still growing up so put yourself back on track and put you two back on track too. EARN your own forgiveness and then earn his forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, it's understandable. Only: you deal with them and grow stronger and wiser and better out of it than before. I probably don't know a lot more to say really but at least it's something. Just wish you good luck. And don't worry, I always picture things a lot heavier than they might be ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): you must tell him to stop living in the past and focus on the present and future, if this relationship has any chance of surviving. i am in the same situation. i hurt my boyfriend in the past. we have also been on and offfor a few years now . i didnt see him as much as i should have done, i guess because ididnt feel mature enough to have a relationship, even though i cared about him a lot. we have been back together for three months now, but sometimes, he has had a go at me for how i was in the past. i also had a go at him for the way he acted in the past too. he flirted with some girls on facebook when we werent together, and even let one girl that he used to fancy in his flat a few times, although he said that nothing happened. that really upset me because, one of the girls he flirted with on facebook was someone he fancied at college a few years ago, before i met him, and the girl he had in his flat looked really brash. she ahd photos of herself in her underwear on her facebook page. she doesnt have a facebook page any more, thank god, and he hasnt seen her for a long time, but the other girl , who he liked at college , is still on his friends list. he says he will never cheat on me, so i guess i have to take his word for it. we have both said altely that we both wont bring the past up any more, and will try our best to fix things by not arguing as much, or try not to at all, and i am trying to control my jealousy issues over other women. he is friends with mainly women, as he says he gets a long with them better than men, but it kind of makes me feel uneasy. but yet, i can see that he loves me to bits, so i dont know why i am worried. things have improved in a way though as we meet up more now than we used to, and we recently went on our first holiday together.
could you perhaps suggest a holiday for you and your boyfriend , even if it's just one thats not too far from where you live ? my boyfriend and i both went to a seaside resort that's not too far from where we live, and we had a great time. or, if you prefer, you could go abroad somewhere. it might help to relight the spark between you both , and if you both agree not to bring up the past any more and cut down on arguements, and if you can really stick to that, i think you will be ok. may i also ask what you have done to hurt him in the past, and what he did to hurt you ?. it might help to understand more about why he gets so angry. good luck, and if you ever need any one to talk to, remember we are here to help you on dear cupid.
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