A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Hello: I just recently went back with and ex boyfriend of mine been together for a week ok my daughter's fatheris the problem he's a jealous type he's the type who will just show up and if he feels there's another manaround maybe flip I have went on other dating sites.I was told to get a restraining order if he didn't know how to act when he comes around and to tell I waswith someone else dont wont to have anything else to do with him.It will soon be a month since he's been around but healways pops back up we have a 16 year old handicappeddaughter how do I deal with him I am the type I do notlike drama ir put in the postion to call the police hehurt me real bad my friend knows about him not howhe shows up may act, that's the other thing that worries me how do I tell the guy I'm with now how hemy do he comes around.I like Gino a lot and so far things are going good butmy daughter's father I live in avery quite apartmentcomplex throught the housing authority last 16 monthsHe pays child support my daughter's father and I justknow he's going to start the nobody can tell me I can't see my child mess how do I deal with that He'sonly about one thing when it comes to me that's why Ihad stopped letting him I didn't wont to be used again.He drinks and uses drugs and he would show up at my other apartment wee hours of the morning he just showsup soon to get mad dont let him in he's not always drinking or high when he comes to visit he been very distant towards our daughter since day one she was born with Downe's Syndrome at birth but that's not whyI find out the hard way how cold he can be the drugswere some of the reason I put him out I do feel maybenot he may flip to get his way dont know and a restraining order we all know they make most men madsome do harm.Please Please help me and answer all my questionsespecially ones about how to handle him and how to tell guy i am with now how he can act sometime comesaround I wont us to be in peace we go out even hereat the apartment I dont know how Gino may act he starts tripping.They told me on other sites to tell my ex most of the things i wrote in this email that i got drama and to let guy i know what's going on then they can make uptheir minds true I am shy but I am going to have totake a deep breath and do because God in heaven something would cause harm.Again respond ASAP I do not wont to go on another siteand ask for adviceenough when he lived with me.I wont peace not feel tense in my own apartment doorbell rings thinks its him he drinks@ smokes and that's some of the reason I would let him in he has shown up wee hours of the morning at other apartmentI lived in they told me to let him take our daughteroutside of the home if we had visitation rights butI don't
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Who +, writes (15 April 2009):
 “…I am going to have to take a deep breath and do…”
Exactly.
You know what you have to do, you have said so in your post. You just have to be strong and do it. Lots of (too many) other woman have been in the same situation as you and have gotten out of it, and you can too.
Feeling tense in your apartment and thinking there will be trouble every time the door bell rings in your daughter’s father fault, NOT YOURS. The problem will go away when he goes away.
You should sit down, take your deep breath and write a short list of the times your daughter’s father has come over, the date and time, what he said and did, and what he wanted. Start with the most recent and go back. Show this list to your current boyfriend and tell him you what him to help you get the restraining order. You may need to get a lawyer; ask you friends if they know any. The first visit with a lawyer should be free. When you go to court to get the restraining order, you need to be calm and concise, explaining what happen when.
You said “a restraining order we all know they make most men mad” and you “know he's going to start the nobody can tell me I can't see my child.” This is true but they are also your daughter’s father fault not yours. Ii is his behavior that has caused the need for the restraining order and to prevent him from seeing your daughter.
Best of luck, but you can do this even without luck.
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