A
female
age
41-50,
*eggina7
writes:How does one get out of relationship limbo? Started out as a fairytale then turned ugly. He told me he doesn't want a committed relationship, so I showed him the door. Things are just complicated though as we move in the same circle of friends and I am now stuck in unpleasant limbo. He is jealous and gets depressed whenever he sees someone flirt with me. He stutters and shakes when he sees me. He begs me to meet with him, then is all shaky and uncomfortable. He wants me as a friend, but acts as a jilted lover instead when we meet face to face. For someone who said he wasn't in love it is affecting him a lot. Most of our friends think he is in love with me, but too traumatized by his ex to admit it and that he is confused, but that I am all he is talking about and they are tired of hearing him sulk. We are supposed to be friends (at least socializing friendly) but I don't care for such friendship and frankly his behavior doesn't allow me to move forward. I have very deep feelings for him, in fact it is the first man in my life where I thought I knew he was the one, but I want a man who wants me back. The question is, is there a cool way to communicate to him that I won't accept this lukewarm situation in such a way so that I may jolt him into action, to claim me in the rare case he may actually have feelings for me? Is there any way I can do that without looking pathetic? I don't wish to blackmail or pressure him and I am certainly not holding my breath or anything but maybe some risks are worth taking and I would rather take some action rather than wonder all my life what if this could be different. Thanks in advance.
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depressed, flirt, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Reggina7 +, writes (25 January 2011):
Reggina7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the space of time it took me to write the previous I received two more texts that had nothing of value to say (he didn't receive a table and X girl was kind enough to share her reservation with him, it gets really hectic at the pub with the seating etc.) Sigh. I will not answer them. I think I'll sit here, wait for advice give it a day or two and then act. looking forward to advice
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): It seems that he likes you, but doesn't want to committ, yet doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Well, I'd give up on him. This business of being traumatised by the ex etc I don't buy - who gives up a new chance of happiness for that reason. You are unlikely to change his underlying feelings. Of course you could try the ultimatium - 'listen, committ or get lost' - I doubt if it would work. I would however swiftly remind him of the situation when he gets jealous etc and tell him he can not have it both ways. Go get a person who wants you back.
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A
female
reader, Reggina7 +, writes (25 January 2011):
Reggina7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Haha thanks Tisha.let's call him George then shall we. Well, I agree with both of you strange as it may seem. I just want the situation clear so I can move on. Example last week he asked me to go to the pub, I said maybe, then over the weekend there was a misunderstanding and today I texted to ask if he is still going, he answered, G: "Yeah, but I'll be sitting with X and Y (two girls)", I texted "no sweat, I only checked with you cause you told me to, no big deal have fun", then he texts "no, you can come it is fine. It's just that X asked me to sit with them and it would be rude not to and I wanted to let you know so that you don't get the wrong idea" followed by three other similar frantic texts before I answered I will do some studying instead. This is what prompted this question I guess. I reacted very calmly but I am fuming. I feel like I am allowing him to have his cake and eat it. I need to take some action. I just need to be clever.And female anonymous I am not deluding myself. This is probably a burnt card. It's the small just in case percent forcing me to leave a crack in the door open (and not indefinitely), because I love the silly man
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): sorry babe but u gotta get out of that before it too late go find another boy i know it may be hard now but... ! i swear that if you dont ull regret it
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 He sounds a bit of a mess. Treat him kindly, with compassion when you see him, but move on. Live your life! Maybe he'll pull himself together, maybe he won't be able to, but the thing is, it's not your role to play nursemaid. That's emasculating to him.
"George, I really like you and would love to be your girlfriend. You appear to be having a difficult time seeing me single, but that is where we are right now. So maybe we should just go back to being nodding acquaintances until you feel you have something more to offer me, in terms of an actual relationship. I am not your ex, I am a different person entirely. When you are ready for a committed relationship, come find me, but I can't promise I'll be available, okay? Take care."
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