A
female
age
30-35,
*eauty2010
writes:Hello Agonies. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 3 years and 8 months. I can admit to me not knowing who i wanted at the beginning of our relationship but i've learned from that and haven't made that mistake again. During our relationship my boyfriend has cheated 5 times, he continues to lie to me, mistreat me, we rarely talk,we rarely spend time together, he doesn't show he loves me or even cares about me, he's very disrespectful,when there's an issue(s) i will go to him about it, trying to solve it but he'll give me an attitude every time, he'll ignore me or tell me that i'm always nagging. I'm always asking the same questions that doesn't get an answer from him. All i do is cry and ask God why but that doesn't help me. I know i haven't done anything wrong and no matter what he have done in the past or whatever he do, i will take him back..no ifs ands or buts about it. I love him a lot and cant seem to fully let him go. Why? I really don't know. I see all the signs to leave but i cant. We havent seen or spoke to each other in 3 days over some bs. He think i'm cheating and i'm not. I'm always at home, work, or school while he's at his mama's house playing videogames or on facebook and twitter. I live by myself and don't understand why i have to sleep alone every night. It hurts me to continue to go through this with him. I know i need to move on and let him go but it's hard because i really love him and will do anything for him. I don't know what else to do. Can i get some advice please. Thank you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Honey you need to get some self-esteem and self-respect so you can stop loving a man that
cheats on you repeatedly
lies to you repeatedly
mistreats you
uses you for sex (I'm betting that's all this is about)
ignores you
makes you miserable.
YOU don't love him... YOU love the THOUGHT of a boyfriend that loves you and wants you and treats you well... you are afraid to be alone... but being alone is better than being mistreated and used...
You do realize that you allow him to do these things to you because you know if you stand up for yourself it becomes work for him and he will leave...
You will never be happy or healthy or whole as long as you stay with a man that
lies
cheats
ignores
and
USES you.
tell you what... use sex as your leverage point. NO sex till he shapes up and treats you well... sex only in the mornings after he's spent the night and treated you properly....
use it as a reward system.
you won't have to leave him honey, he'll leave you once you stop having sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): I'm so sorry for your situation. I understand because I've been there, but my boyfriend had a chemical dependency and once he'd gotten through that part of his life (after 2 of our 4 years together), he finally realized what he was doing had taken a toll on our relationship. I want to say things will work out and he'll realize what he's losing, but I can't say that's the best thing in the world for you, even if he does. It seems like he's accusing you of cheating because he's done it so much. I can say one thing, as far as I know, my fiance has never actually cheated. You really need to look into some co-dependent support groups, or possibly Al-ANON. There are also several books on co-dependency, one of my favorite authors being Melody Beattie. He will try to get you back, and might possibly see what he's done and try to make it seem like he's changed, but most likely he hasn't. He treats you like a dog and you seem like a very nice person. You can do so much better! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 You cannot let him go because you love him, but you need to find the strength to stand up for yourself and stop being used as a door matt. He has treated you so badly and you keep forgiving him, so he knows now he can treat you however you like and walk all over you and you won't do anything about it. He knows you are not strong enough to leave him. Yes you may love him but what is it you love? He obviously does not feel the same way about you or else he would treat you better. He has treated you so bad that he now thinks you are probably cheating on him, usually cheats themselves always accuse the other partner to make there behaviour not seem as bad. Seriously you will live a very unhappy life being used as his play thing if you do not get some strength and leave him. I wish you all the good luck in the world.
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