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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have observed many couples in my life and I am noticing more and more as I get older that in many relationships, there is an imbalance of how one person treats the other which causes tension, resentment, irritation, and disatisfaction. I'm also facinated how when you do run across a spouse who supports their wife or husband, how other people jump on them judgementally.I'm talking not only career goals but also hobbies and interests that people can be passionate about. There are two questions, multiple choice. Thank you for taking time to answer! 1) When in a relationship with a partner which would rather have more and which would you least prefer:A) A partner who vocally supports your goals and ambitions, acts as your cheerleader and biggest fan, and is involved in any way you need to help you acheive your ambition. Would always be there to listen and offer advice or at least a shoulder to lean on if they had no advice, through ups and downs and all hardships that may come with your goal. One that stands by your side and does their best to put a positive thing on the situation when things may not be going well.B) A partner who supports your goals but quietly, only acts passively toward your accomplishments, leaving you alone to work on your goals. Sticks by your side but doesn't really give you much in the way of feedback or advice. Doesn't discuss your accomplishments with others unless they directly ask her, and doesn't ask how your work is going often.C) A partner who doesn't really stand by you and sees your goals as somewhat childish or a waste of time. Grudgingly allows you to chase your ambitions but is completely seperate from your work, leaving you completely alone and never sharing any of your accomplishments, or if so does so in an annoyed fashion. She may be somewhat nagging of you to "give up" on your dreams because they do not produce the income or type of lifestyle she desires.2)When in a relationship with a partner which would most likely fit your behavior and which would be least likely of your behavior:A) Support their goals vocally and be a real team player, cheering them on and offering your advice and emotional care as needed. Letting friends or family know about their accomplishments and really showing you're proud of their work, even if the project is not something you are particularly interested in. You stick by their side through hardships and good times, and always let them know you are there to help.B) Be supportive but not vocally or taking much action to show your support, not taking time to tell others about their accomplishments unless they ask directly, and never commenting to their about her work or ask how it is going.C) Find her goals to be silly and childish and therefore not discuss it with your partner or anyone else, unless in an annoyed or nagging fashion. Wishing they would give up on their dreams and focus on what you deem more important goals that better suit your idea of financial gain or lifestyle.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 I'm a type B in both cases. I prefer to be the solid rock she can lean on when she needs it rather than going out and crowding her chance to live her own life, and I prefer to be treated the same way. But then, I'm much less long-winded in real life than in writing.
Still, one of the ways real people differ from fictional characters is in our inconsistencies. My first girlfriend was a type A, always loudly cheering me on and offering her support vocally at every opportunity. Maybe it's just because I was younger, or just happy to have anyone who liked me at all, but it was a good feeling and a good experience.
Sadly, I see a lot of close friends becoming type C's about a year after they get married. Not sure which spouse does it first, and each of them claims it's the other who has changed, but it's always sad to see them evolve into one anothers' buzzkill. Being a Type A takes a lot of energy; I think it's just better long-term to stick with the Type B.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Ideally when people get married they have their careers all figured out, and everything goes smoothly. I see more and more people marry young, have kids, then decide what they want to study in college. A marriage does not guarantee a supporting spouse, or a spouse who makes wise decisions. For example, a married man with college debt would be unwise to start a business borrowing more loan. A married woman with no outside income source would be unwise to pursue a useless degree (I don't want to insult anyone here), with no goals or connections to find any jobs. So when people nag they sometimes have good intentions.
Even when people marry with high hopes at the beginning, businesses fail, or they get laid off. There are many twists and turns and variables in life that could make a lifestyle unstable. When people look for alternatives sometimes there is no other choice but to settle with a dead end job, because maintaining a household takes priority over a personal dream especially when you have kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think, though, that the reason people fall for their co-worker, team mate, doctor, or even co-star (if you look at Hollywood,) is because they are suddenly working closely with someone who is supporting their endevours. That is a term of transference. So the purpose of my question is not if there is an imbalance, I know there is. I'm just looking to see what people believe is better for them, or to honestly say how they preceive themselves.
I think our society pushes too hard to individuality and not enough for actually taking care of our loved ones. It seems to be "Me! Me! Me! But not you."
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 "there is an imbalance of how one person treats the other which causes tension, resentment, irritation, and disatisfaction."
You forgot to add the hidden positives, major one being "attraction"... What people say they want and what they are actually attracted to are two very different things.
Obviously most people want someone to support them in their endeavors without being clingy, but have a look around this site at how many posts start with "I totally love my GF/BF to BITS, but I'm falling for my workmate/friend/their brother/sister."
Its not something that can really be gauged all that well with multiple choice questions... but there does always seem to be an imbalance, I think you're right there.
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