A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,How do I get over control issues and trust issues in relationships?I seem to fall from one relationship into the next and they get progressively more and more unhealthy. My currently relationship has been going on for about 2 years and we are to the point where he is lying to me about money and hiding it from me, not telling me things to avoid confrontation, and won't let me meet his friends.He is very emotionally abusive now because he is tired of my control issues and says everything that he can to break me down, but I am trying to use this experience to build myself back up rather than let it tear me down. These are the biggest issues I need help with...How can I stop being so panic stricken every time my boyfriend goes out with his friends? I worry that he's lying about something or talking about me. I'm not even always completely sure why I'm so anxious, I'm just upset he's not with me.How can I stop feeling the overwhelming need to control him and everything that he does? I threaten to leave our relationship if he doesn't do what I want or act the way I need him to in order to sooth my anxieties.I realize my behavior is over the top and I'm trying to remedy it, not for my current relationship which has reached unhealthy levels, but for any future relationships I may have.I should also note that I think I'm a relationship addict since I bounce from one long term relationship to the next and can't bring myself to leave this relationship even though it's so emotionally and sometimes physically damaging.Please help!
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female
reader, poil  +, writes (13 November 2010):
First anyone who speaks abusivly to you is not worth the time! No One deserves anytype of negitive talk. It sound like your one of those people who seem to value themselfs on the relationship. . .I am the opposite I value myself on what I can do for my self, Hence have a problem getting into a relationship. I think you need to do the old age answer to this and be on your own find yourself as a person become indepent. I Have learnt from watching firends relationships what I (think) I would put up with and what I would not. If you stress out everytime he is out with out you for whatever reason cheating, flirting, tarsh talking ect...you dont need that stress. thing you could always be in a worst position. do you have children? Why not look for a place on ur own ( assuming you live together ) Try being on your own for awhile! ( I promise its not as scary as it might seem! give your firends a heads up and tell them you need to plan stuff so you dont fall back in your trap! Again opposite of you I am afrid of getting close ) its all about getting out of your comfort zone!! But I will say it again he has no right to every say anything negitive to you!!!!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Ok i think you need to concider going to therapy, they are there to help you and your issues. Also your boyfriend is just making things worse by lying to you and not introducing you to his friends, this is just going to make you feel even more insecure and rightly so, i wouldnt be so quick if i were you to take all the blame here, he is not helping. and if he is emotionally abusive he is only going to tear away at your confidence making you feel worse.
I think you need to get out of this relationship and dont date for a while get therapy and sort your head out and try and be happy on your own first before entering a new relationship.
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