A
male
age
36-40,
*axwell444
writes:This is my first post here on this site, I'd like to thank all the users who help out, as best they can, with the situations brought forth by others. So my situation; I've been with my girlfriend for 1 year and 4 months. This is most certainly the deepest relationship I've been in. We're both very mature (both 24) and for the most part know what we want in life and are going down a great path. Oh and we don't live together. But over the last 4 months things have been off and on, I don't mean breaks, more so intimacy levels. I'm going to make it seem like this is not my fault here, but it's hard for me to feel like it is. I find that her interest level is down. In the past 4 months or so, she makes very little effort to initiate conversation, she'll never say the whole good night/good morning routine anymore, when she used to all the time. Not much random texts or calls throughout the day. And when we are together she doesn't seem as interested in me or whats going on in my day to day, it seems as though lately everything is about her. (Now she is having a very tough semester in school, and is stressed out nearly all the time, which I understand would change her input in the relationship, but this started during summer, before her semester begun) Also our sex life, we almost never have any now a days, probably once every 2-3weeks, as oppose to twice a week we used to make time for. And I'll admit there have been times when I'm just to sore (I'm in kick boxing) to do it, but it's always her saying shes too tired. And when we do have sex it is me who imitates 95% of the time, and she doesn't like doing our "favourite" positions, all she does now is usually just lay there an half heartedly put any effort into it. Now all this being said I have tried to talk to her about it, by telling her I feel as though she is losing interest in our relationship, but she will get very depressed and cry when I make the notion, and says it's just stress, now I haven't pushed it as far as I probably should, saying that this was before her stressful term started. I think I need to do that. I've been very good to her, always doing small things to make her day, like leave a little message on the mirror when she gets a shower, bring over some chocolate an hide it in places for it to show up just little make dinners, ect random things. She used to do this for me as well but nothing anymore. the relationships almost seems like 90/10 on my side, and thats a generous 10 for her. There is also this one other thing, that I never even thought of, until now and I hate the fact that this COULD have something to do with these recent events. There is this guy in her class, there were fairly close right from the start, about a year ago now. I've never had reason to suspect there was anything going on between them or anything, they are just friends. They text each other a fair bit, but never hang out (outside of school that is) Now I'm not proud of this at all, but 2 days ago while she was over she left her facebook page on my computer when she went home. When I went on my computer I noticed and was about to log her out when a message from said friend popped up saying "Heeeya sweetcheeks" so I opened it and discovered a bunch of messages between them going back about 2 months or so. Its mostly harmless, or so I think. But I notice that when they end their conversation they always say nightnight and cute nicknames. but the one that stood out was this one. her " Ugh my brain is about to blowwww up :("Him "you should just get a good night sleep, and continue tomorrow, that my plan!"her" Yeh you're right, sleeeptime, I wish you would come over an tuck me in :)"him"haha that might be a bit awkward, what would your parents think about a random guy coming over like that" her" I said that to a friend before, and he actually came over an did it!" him"ooh I see, and did you have a boyfriend at that time?"her"nope" him"ooooh k, any way nightnight pumpkin!" her"Night :)" I really want to ask her about these messages, but she will find out that I looked through her facebook and think I don't trust her. I don't know what to do here, something big is going to happen soon if I just hold this in, I'd like to avoid any explosions of suppressed feelings. Any body have any input? Again thank you for reading this and taking the time to leave analysis an suggestions.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 She's just not that into you anymore.
The relationship has lost its charm, she seems bored and half-hearted about everything and she probably thinks she has more in common with the new guy than with you, at this stage. That is why, the conversation which should be happening with you, is taking place with him
I suggest take a break for a while. Tell her straight that it doesn't seem like she's putting as much effort into the relationship as she should, and its making you feel like this relationship is becoming a burden on her. You have done all that you can but you have your needs and expectations too, and you're done compromising on them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): Hello, Well it seems you have a gut feeling going on here. We all know when somethings changed in a relationship don't we? The fact you checked her FB shows you think her attentions diverted, and while nothing may have happened yet, it sounds like she's crossed the line for somebody who isn't single.
I would ask your girlfriend straight out about this friend, you dont need to mention FB, just ask exactly how friendly they are.
Somethings not right and you are doing all you can to sustain this relationship but sadly its not working.You need to get answers not excuses.
Good luck x
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