A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship and I feel like I've lost her respect and I want to know if its possible to regain it or should I just cut my losses...Here are the reasons I feel there is no respect:-She talks to me in the imperative rather than asking-She doesnt ever initiate sex and when we do she's not into it-Expects me to pay for things-Little things like butting in when I try to ask for a table at a restaurant and taking charge of the conversationI'm not sure if I should try to salvage this (if possible) since I love her. I'm worried that I've reached the point of no return in this and theres nothing to do to fix it.I realize that alot of this is my fault. I payed for things when she first came to visit and set a precedent. I also should have asserted more dominance from the start. I am not a jerk I am just guilty of being too nice to her. I am fine being sweet and caring, I just wish she would respect me like she would a guy who is a complete a-hole to her. Should I start being selfish and talk down to her? I know this sounds crazy but being a sweet, sensitive and caring guy has gotten me nothing but heartache and misery.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 The sad truth is that a relationship really suffers when your other half sees you as weak and controllable. It does seem this is how she sees you.
It is possible to use the imperative yet be polite and respectful. For example, "Pass that saltshaker, my dear". I suppose that what you really mean is that she expects you to obey her and pamper her. Her lack of interest in sex seems a good sign that she's not that into you.
All of this, by the way, might have to do with your being in a long distance relationship. Such a difficult relationship is not for everyone. Taking the bull by the horns might be very difficult for her, so her feelings find an outlet in the smaller and picky things.
We always hear about nice guys. It's a common problem, and I think that a rare man has never found himself in that situation. I recommend that you really click on this link, and you do read it and understand it.
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
In my opinion, now is when you have to ask her what the future of the relationship is. You don't have to be rude. All you need to do is tell her what you have noticed and how it is affecting you, and then you can ask her whether she is still interested in the relationship, because, as it is, it is not working for you, and you want to save it and improve it. You would not reveal an even worse weakness for being this direct. It would be just telling it like it is. Something like "Hey, dear, I love you but I can't take you this way. Can we work this out, or should we walk our separate ways?"
Of course, if you are really determined to cut your losses, then you have to mean it when you say you could leave.
Good luck.
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