A
male
age
51-59,
*rankwright
writes:A few months ago I ran into an ex/gf whom I have always believed was the "love of my life". We have not communicated or seen one another in over 10 years. We talked for only 5 minutes, she had got married two years ago, does not have children, and lives in another state and was in town visiting her family. I admit, a part of me was crushed when she told me she got married. Anyways, a week after met, I recieved an email from her, basic chitchat stuff etc. The emailing went on for another two weeks and then she emailed me saying she was going to be in town to visit family and would like to get together for lunch. I agreed. We had a nice time, caught up with one another etc. it was very innocent. I do admit, my heart was pounding the entire time and it took all my strength not to attempt to to hug her or kiss her or tell her that I have always thought of her. Anyways, a few days after our lunch meeting I recieved an email from her with her telling me that she was still in still in love with me and that she was not happy in her marriage. She said she married her husband not out of love but because he was stable and secure, had good morals and values, and would never break her heart. She said she was going to back in town and would like to get togetehr again. I agreed and we went to dinner, we talked and talked and talked we ended up falling asleep in each others arms. When we woke up we kissed, but there was no sex involved. We have been talking and emailing etc. We both want to spend the rest of our lives togther, have children together etc. She says she has become overwhelmed with guilt over this and has actually become depressed over the situation. I have told her that she needs to be sure of what she wants and to take as long as she needs to figure things out. I am actually feeling very guilty, I never thought I would be breaking up a marriage. I am also feeling that I am being selfish too. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): If this is real, she will take immediate steps to get out of her marriage or give a last effort at restoring it through marriage counseling and then connect back with you when she's taken care of business. The last thing either of you need is to continue this and let her avoid the work she needs to do because then she'll just be using you and taking advantage of your emotions. You are at risk here because this could just be a temporary escape for her so don't put yourself in a position where she does nothing about her marriage and expects to continue on with you. You guys have already crossed the line and that should be her wakeup call to either reconnect in her marriage or end it. All you can do is give her space and wait instead of being her crutch or distraction. I would let her know this.
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