A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, soo I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years. We both know we want each other in our future but today he asked me if I wanted to MOVE IN TOGETHER AND START LOOKING FOR A PLACE! And it scared me for some reason, I did feel trapped a little. And hes very jealous and possessive and hes been working at it but needs more work on his issues. I have a fear if I moved in with him, he'd be controlling, maybe even more so.The second reason is because I've barely turned 20 and I've never lived on my own yet. I want to have the feeling of just relying on myself and being independent before I live with him.The last reason is, I'm afraid of the commitment involved. I'm afraid that ill feel like I'm married housewife! It's not that I don't love him, its just I'm not ready for that yet because its scary. So basically I wanna tell him I want to move in but we should do it when were more mature and ready.. but I don't wanna hurt his feelings or break up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Pay attention to that scared/trapped gut feeling. Your instincts are telling you that something's wrong here.
As the other aunts have suggested, just tell him that you're not ready yet. And don't move in with him or marry him unless he gets counseling for his possessiveness/jealousy/controlling tendencies and you see a change in his attitude and behavior. While it's possible for him to work out these issues on his own, he will make better progress with a therapist.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011):
We are all at different places in life. Once upon a time I was your boyfriend. I was madly in love and wanted to commit to my girlfriend. She was, like you, more concerned about relying on herself and being independent. It's not that she didn't love me, but she just wasn't ready to be a "housewife." I feel like she was being completely silly. I loved her completely. What did she want? She felt I was silly. If I loved her I would wait for her. In the end, it just wasn't meant to be. I read your story and I feel very bitter and angry because I see my girlfriend in you. She ultimately decided to commit to me, but she still resents it and I resent her for not being completely honest with me. Follow your heart. It will be for the best.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 "I'm not ready to live with anyone just yet. I do love you and want to be with you, but I need to be on my own for at least a year, pay my own rent and utilities and just experience life on my own terms. I'm sure you can understand how important that is to me, and that you are supportive and loving and care about my feelings in this regard."
Just be honest with him. If he can't handle that simple truth, if he's truly that controlling and jealous, then you would be better off without him if this causes him to end your relationship.
Stick up for yourself. You don't owe him your life just yet, okay?
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