A
female
age
30-35,
*ia
writes:Hi, I am a 19 year-old woman who has a little bit of a predicament on her hands. I'm in love with a former teacher. He's like twice my age or more but I can't stop thinking about him! I have never encountered this problem in all my years and wish I didn't now. I'm not the type of woman given to fits of fancy and romance though, no matter how alluring it may all seem. I would never do anything to put his career in jeopardy, like email him (even though I have a pretty good idea of what his email is) or say that he has feelings for me when I know he probably doesn't. He's single as far as I know and I'm legal age, I'm just worried about seeming like a stalker to him. Plus, if a relationship were to arise between us, he'd be constantly worried that I'd break up with him and report him to the school board as "grooming me for a relationship with him", which is totally absurd, for I would never do anything of the sort, but one can never be too careful nowadays. We're on very good terms, even after I gave him my email and told him to email me. I only had him for a night school course, so I don't know if the "grooming rule" still applies to me or not, but I still don't want to take any risks. I go to the summer school that he is an admin at and it's like heaven and hell. On one hand I get to see him and talk to him, but on the other I can never reveal my true feelings to him. Should I just wait and see if this blows over with time, or should I try to at least hint something to him?
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female
reader, DarkRedhead  +, writes (10 July 2008):
Just to be on the safe side, I'd wait until you finish up at the school where your teacher works. Otherwise, it could be awkward for you both. Once you've graduated or whatever though, and aren't professionally in the building where he teaches, if your feelings are still this strong go ahead and try.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 July 2008):
I think that if he was a paedophile and was grooming you for sex, and then waited till you were 19 to actually go out with you, he'd be a pretty rubbish paedophile haha.
You are a 19 year old woman, if you start dating him now then no one can accuse him of anything, as you are old enough to testify to a court that it was a year after you left school that you started seeing him. You are hardly a 13 yearold little girl saying "but we love eachother!!!"
The main problem you have to face is the fact that there is an age gap. But if you are fine with that then go for it. Drop into his office and chat to him. If it goes well then make up some excuse to give him your number and tell him to call you about whatever it was you were chatting about. I am sure you know how to chat up a man.
See where it goes. If he is not comfortable dating an ex student then I am sure he will let you know at some point when it becomes clear that is what you are doing.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I'm not aware of the laws in your country. As long as you are over the age of consent and are no longer in school, nobody can object if you ask him for a date. If you are in school and he is a member of staff, it could be seen as abuse and undue influence on his side or on yours. Wait until you finish schol and approach him if you want.
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