A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've read other posts similar to this but have not found a clear answer to my question. I'm completely in love with my ex's brother, what should I do? I believe, you can't help who you love and I think it's only natural for me to be attracted to both brothers, especially because they have some similar features. However, I have a child with my ex and I feel so weird having these feelings about his brother! I have only told my absolute best friend about my feelings and she thinks I'm crazy. I have no clue how he feels. We're friends and we talk a lot. He's so amazing. Has all of the good qualities that my ex does and so much more! Recently, someone close to me (hardly knows him at all) said they think he's in love with me, I just laughed it off but I secretly wish he was. Someone help me. If I were to act on my feelings, how do I find out if he feels the same way, without seeming like a total creep to both our families (and him too, for that matter, if he doesn't feel the same way!)?
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female
reader, LianneKate  +, writes (24 April 2017):
I was in a relationship for nearly my whole life and it started off by me having a silly crush on this boy at the age of 12 . I thought this was it because he wrote me notes and letters on valentines and he stared at me with love and interest . He was my best friend and the love of my life. I was pretty dramatic when I was younger but it felt good to have someone liking you back and everyone to ship you together . It was at the age of 17 years when we actually started dating and panning our future together as a couple because we moreover best friends since we were young teens . We had to break things because I moved to Canada to go to medical school and become a surgeon when he had other plans to become an entrepreneur. During my studies he introduced me to his brother who was also planning to become a doctor . Back to the present.. I am engaged to the love of my life who isn't his brother .
My reasons why is because I couldn't bear to see my ex boyfriends brother in the same why I saw him. Plus they were really close so it seemed wrong to ruin family because of a relationship. I knew I had to do what's right so when he asked me out I said no because no matter what dating him was going to make things awkward .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): I dated the most amazing guy for 2 1/2 years. I cannot tell you how wonderful this guy was, how much fun we had together, and how much we loved each other. The only problem was that we wanted different things in life. I wanted a career, and was applying for graduate school. I wanted to live a healthy lifestyle, whereas he was a smoker and loved to party. I grew tired of going to bed every night while he was out in bars. No matter how much I begged and pleaded, this behavior never changed. We broke up, but remained the very best of friends. When I moved accross the country to go to graduate school, he came to visit. We went on group vacations together. He was my best friend.
Over a year and a half after the breakup, his older brother happened to move to the same city as me to attend the same graduate school. I had only met him a couple times since he wasn't living in the same state as his younger brother when we were dating. I helped him find a place to stay,show him around town, and we would hang out a sometimes with our respective roommates. We fell deeply, and madly in love with each other. At first I thought it was all in my head, and I felt horrible about it, After few months of keeping it inside, he finally let it out that he felt exactly the same way about me. I was still talking to the ex almost daily. The brother and my ex were SO unbelievably close- they always had a relationship I admired very much. We didn't say anything for a few weeks until we had discussed all the possibilities. It was settled, I had found my soulmate (a concept I had previously never believed in). He told his brother, but ASKED him whether it would be ok. If he had said no, we had vowed to wait until maybe some day it was okay with him. The ex- with a true heart of a saint, gave his blessing. A year and a half later I am still with my ex's brother. We're living together, and plan to marry.
My advice: If you think this guy has feelings for you- he probably does. I've learned to always trust my gut. FIgure out if there is truly anything between you and the ex's brother. If there is, and if you REALLY want this to work, you HAVE to be upfront and honest about it. Whatever you do, don't be clandestine about it. I am not saying it has been the easiest road, because there are alot of emotions, people, and guilt involved in this kind of 'love triangle'. But it just might be worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Well when you say you read other posts about this, one of them was probably mine from a few years ago. I dated a guy for 5 years, he broke up with me and I moved out. The shoulder I cried on everyday was that of his brother. We fell in love. I loved him dearly, intensly and madly and he felt that way for me too. We began a secret affair behind everyone's backs. He wouldn't let me tell anyone and he promised me he would one day tell his family, including his brother. I became obsessed with the relationship, when was I going to see him again? Where could we go where no one saw us? would we be able to spend my birthday together? It became so stressful that I was sick over it. He told me we would one day get married and I believed him. Well I got pregnant and the man I thought loved me so much ran away. He left because it was easier to leave than face reality and tell. They will always choose their family. Always. They will never choose you.
I know you love him and it is so tempting to make it work. The problem is, if there isn't 100% honesty from DAY 1, it will fail. I let a sneaky love affair go on for over a year and it ended with me getting pregnant with a man's baby who will never tell his "secret" out of shame. There are so many other guys out there, stay away from the brother. I am telling you it can only end in a giant mess. Good luck!
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female
reader, pollina  +, writes (5 June 2010):
if you have a great frienship with your boyfriends brother dont ruin it..move on...otherwise its going to get complicated..who is your child going to see as a father? hes going to get confused..please dont start anything romantically...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Thank both of you for replying! They're both a few years older than me. My ex is older but the younger one is much more responsible and mature! There's hardly and civility with my ex and me now anyway. He's always acting like a complete jerk. Very disrespectful towards me even in front of our child. How he reacts about us dating (if it were to happen) will probably stay the same. I can honestly say I have no clue as to how he'd react to his brother. I don't know if much would change. They're close I suppose, but not nearly as close as the people in my family. They hardly say I love you. Well... I do think I'll try to flirt but how do I do that safely? When I like a guy I tend to act like a complete fool around him. Also, I don't want to make it completely obvious to everyone that I'm interested in him, how do I send only him these "signals"?
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Different people would react in different ways in this situation. Personally, if you are confident that this guys likes you, then I think you should go for it. However, if he turns you down, then you do need to back off before any damage is done to ruin your friendship, his relationship with his brother, and the civility between you and your ex. You can't expect there to not be any awkwardness if you did start a relationship with this man. If your ex does not approve of your relationship with his brother, then he is in your past, and as long as he has access to your kids, then you needn't worry. If your ex decides to ruin the relationship with his brother, then he is not a good brother as you can't help who you love. However, the guy you love is under the most pressure here, so you need to be really patient with him and supportive of him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Be careful, this is not just any man, and this affair involves a lot of extra complications. So take each and everything into consideration. How people will react depends on their personalities, so I can't say things will be problem free. How old are these brothers? The more mature they are the better the chances that they wont be too jealous of each other and cause a fight.
Be discrete about the whole thing. Flirt with the brother only when the two of you are alone, or with people who don't know you. You don't want rumours to go around. If he flirts back, after a while have a serious talk with him. Have this talk BEFORE you do anything such as kissing or sleeping together. Do not get involved with him until you have talked about it and come to an agreement.
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