A
female
age
41-50,
*axxathnm
writes:Please help...I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and I am 28 years old,We have decided to take the step of moving in together. I am currently in the process of moving my stuff to his home when we get a phone call from a one night stand from him past (before he met me) saying that she is due to have a baby and that there is a 1 in 3 chance the baby is his. I love this man with all of my heart but I am so confused...it is a huge thing to be asked to possibly become step mother to a child that resulted from a one night stand to a woman that neither of us want to be around. Should I continue forward with moving in, In should I take my stuff back and postpone and how will I know if I can be supportive and handle this situation, I have no idea if I am strong enough or not for this all I know is I love him and want to spend my life with him, but I also know I have to be supportive and accept this possible child for the rest of our lives together and I just dont know what I should do please help!
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female
reader, saxxathnm +, writes (16 August 2011):
saxxathnm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou everyone for your input truly
A
female
reader, saxxathnm +, writes (16 August 2011):
saxxathnm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes we have discussed the possibilites, and if it is his he will be an active part of the childs life with no doubt. I love children and I want to be supportive, and as you stated until we know one way or the other I have no idea what I am dealing with. That fact is what makes this so stressful, this woman is at best a "shady" character...I have no doubt she will use this poor child as a paycheck and a means of control and that breaks my heart:( She parties constantly (even while pregnant) and If we could get full custody of the child would even be greater than dealing with the infinite drama this situation entails....I love him so very much and I have decided if i cant love the child unconditionally then I can not stay with him..however no amount of post ponment is going to assure what kind of step mother I can be until I live it, my friends say that I do not have it in me to abandon him or the child because of my love of children and my need to nuture ..but I still dont know, thank you for your input I wish a crystal ball could just tell me what to do sadly there is none
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Wow,what a nightmare! If the kid's his, he will be financially responsible, and the mother might dump it off on him,thuse burdening you as well.Unless you want to deal with all the annoyance of one night stand slut in his life and possibly the drudgery and limited freedom caused by having a squalling,poo and drool spewing ball and chain arround ,RUN!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Before you can make a decision and sort out your feelings, you need to get all the facts. You are imagining your role in this child's life before it has been confirmed if the child is even your bfs.
What is done is done. The past can not be undone.
Your bf is probably shaken up about life-altering possibilities. Sit down and talk to him once the shock wears off.
Hopefully, the Mother will agree to a DNA test to determine who the Dad is.
If the child is his, then HE needs to make some choices first about his parental rights, financial support, etc.
Then, and only then, can you decide what your role will be.
Until you get the facts, support him the best you can and be honest with him when your own feelings feel confused or sensitive. If you feel you should postpone moving in until the results are clear, make that known quickly.
You do not want to complicate your life or his any more than it is right now.
If he is the Father, keep in mind that the adults involved need to make the best choice possible for the child. He/She did not ask to be here and deserves to be cared for and loved regardless.
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