A
male
age
41-50,
*lbion28
writes:How best to put this? I'm 28 and I'm unsure about my sexuality. I've always loved girls/women but I've had no success in attracting them. I'm still a virgin (although apparently, I'm told, not unattractive).Over the last few years however, I've been finding myself including more men in my fantasies and finally I fooled around with a couple in real life. It never went 'all the way' but, as the Americans would say, third base was definitely reached.And now I really haven't a clue. I'm not attracted to men, per se. I've never looked at one and thought "Wow! He's yummy, I'd love to settle down with him!" It's more that men are easy to get hold of. If I want an orgasm by some agency other than my own hand then there are hundreds of willing men who are just as horny as me.But I'd much rather find a girlfriend. I've had long-term romantic crushes on several female friends (who unfortunately live in other countries) and I would quite happily marry and have bebies with them but there's still the fact that I'm edging towards losing my virginity to a man.What does all that make me? Gay? Bi? Or maybe just incredibly screwed up. I would probably have had sex with a man already if it weren't for my fear of getting HIV... What am I?Help?
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male
reader, Albion28 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Albion28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWizardofWaz: Thanks for your response. I seem to do OK with women as friends, just not in romancing them at all. I suspect I do come off as desparate and needy and I'm told no woman finds that attractive. As to my "Friends in other countries", sure I met them on the internet but I've been spending summers with them for over five years now. I've attended a wedding over there and those girls have become the best friends I ever had. Unfortunately I'm at something of a disadvantage when it comes to dating them.I'd agree with your comfort zone thing. It's too easy to just tell myself that any girl I approached would just blow me off for being too geeky/poor/unambitious/uneducated etc. I really need to quit worrying about my deficiencies and start asking girls out.DiovanLestat: Thanks for your reply. As to how much effort I put into attracting men? None. I simply make it known, in a forum that includes a quantity of bi/gay men, that I'm interested in some fooling around and then offers start arriving. One of the advantages of being a guy playing with guys, your partner will share your sex drive. How much effort do I put into attracting women? I'm tempted to say none again... I'm too nervous/shy etc. to make the first move so I just try to be a nice person and kinda hope she'll put the moves on me. At least if a girl is coming on to me then I'd know I wasn't being all grabby and rude and the sort of guy that gets all the bad press. I don't want to be that guy but it seems like you *Have* to be that guy to get a girl. I'm really really bad at gauging what is OK and fun and acceptable Vs. What is creepy and wrong.A major fear of mine? Making a move on a girl and having her scream rape. That happens? My life's over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): No Ms Strict, no hysterics from me. Per usual your clear and to the point and like always provide a satisfactory solution.
Unfortunately Mr Albion28, is unable to follow your suggestion for very valid reasons, health, self-esteeme, legality and a whole other ranch of reasons.
Mr Albion28, I don't think your homosexual (totally attracted to men) but I do have a couple of questions. Why do you have sucess attracting men but not women? How do you attract these men, how much effort do you put into attracting women? What is different in your approach to the different sexes.
Big hugs, good luck, your very brave to tackle this subject, but you've probably by asking you've been a help to a lot of people.
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A
male
reader, Albion28 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Albion28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSusan Strict: Thank you. Your suggestion... Well, I had given it some thought but I'm a little put off by the legality of the matter, the issues of health and hygiene and the fact that it's kind of an admission that I can't attract a partner any other way than to pay for one.
On the other hand, if it's effecting my mental state then maybe it's time to swallow my pride. Thank you, sincerely, for your response. It's nice to have someone tell me I'm not nuts who really has no reason to otherwise.
Miss Anonymous: A thank you to you as well for your response. I'm afraid it's hard to stop doing what is easy and feels good just because you know you should. I'll work on it. I'd agree with you that I probably come off as too needy, but I'm working on that at the moment. We'll see how my experiment works out.
Finally, acting classes? Not a chance. It may be good idea for someone but I have pretty damn bad stagefright. Maybe I should try Aikido instead... But Thank You for the response.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Probably...
Not gay. Not bi. Not screwed up. Just incredibly frustrated.
When your sexuality can't find an outlet, it's only natural if your urges are strong that you would look in other directions that might be easier.
It's quite possible that you could find happiness with a man - but more likely that you would never really be happy because it doesn't sound as though a gay relationship is your natural inclination.
I hesitate to suggest going this direction, and I'm sure many people would tell you it's wrong, but have you considered visiting a professional sex worker? It would be an extreme move for many people, but a one-off might give you firstly a better feeling for your own sexuality and secondly some sexual confidence. I'm not talking about the sort of girls who hang around on street corners. If you consider it, then make it one of those who does it "seriously" rather than someone who needs the cash to pay for a drug habit or similar.
... now wait for the stream of protest at that suggestion!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): It doesn't sound as though you are gay, just horny! lolIf you don't want to see men then stop seeing them and find a nice girl.Could it be that you are sending the wrong signals or perhaps coming on too strong or even seem needy?Build your confidence by staring acting classes or something similar. Go out and meet people and stop worrying to much about having sex.
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