A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What would you do if the wife you thought the world of is a liar and deciever, born in a religous family i kept to my bible truth. I kept my virginity till marriage, my wife lied to me that she was a virgin before we got married we lived with the policy honesty is the best policy, make matters worse she slept with a guy i work with before we met i am ashamed. I cant even look at her.should i divorce her? The pain is too great.
View related questions:
divorce, I work with, liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): well i belong to a muslim family . i was not virgin but i lied to my husband that i am virgin. i was victem of rape. when he knew about my past he was badlly hurt. he was with me two years but in two years he punished me in different ways. it was easy for me to leave him but i really love him.....finally he could not forgive me and divorced me. i was badly hurt still i am hurt. now it is very easy for him to find a virgin and marry but he will never find love.he agree that he willl never find love since i loved him so much. must ur wife love u so much she was selfish she did not want to lose u. any religion islam , hindu , chrisianity give us lesson of forgiveness.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Well it does really hurt to be deceived and it is up to you to decide what to do ultimately. I would not make a hasty decision about this as you did marry her.
If you love her and she is a good person give this a chance. She hasn't cheated on you after your marriage and you two could still have a good life together.
Take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): Annalisa said, "This is no reason to divorce someone, just because you had a different idea of their sexual past"
Maybe not. But there is plenty of reason to divorce someone just because they lied about something so important to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (17 February 2011):
Given that you wife lied to you, actually, and you have a big conflict with her behaviour (the past and the lie) you have the right to be mad at her. And if you think so, to divorce her.
Lies inside a relationship are not good. Of course I'm talking about big lies, about things that matter. In this case, she not being a virgin was an important issue (given your beliefs). You have to decide whether this big lie is a sign of she lying again in the future. This could be just an isolated lie.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Can you find a virgin in today's world for marriage? I don't think, even if yes, how will you find? you can't ask someone and someone can't tell you, if someone else is telling about her/him they might be false/true we don't know. So the virgin will be blessed by GOD through your past deeds with others(women). if you were virgin surely I believe God could have blessed but no I don't know about you(sorry) but similar thing happened with me, My wife has trusted a lot and after long period of time she told everything about her (from childhood to till now) and when I compared all her past, it was same as I had done to others. So it is better to be good with others from childhood to have such life,if not suffer for it(sorry) this is what the life. And don't judge her, it will ruin your happiness however,learn from mistakes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked her before I posted this question, and she confirmed the stories were true. I don't know if I can forgive her for playing me for a fool.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): Step#1, you need to talk to her about this before you jump to conclusions and convict her of what you heard from someone else about her.
Step#2, you have to see what you think of her reaction and see what you believe.
Step#3, if she did lie, then I would leave her. People have the right to make mistakes in life but that is not what this is about. Her sexual choices are not the real problem, the problem is that she lied to you about something extremely important to you just to get what she wanted. That is betrayal of the worst kind. You don't have the right to control her sexual life before you got together but you DO have the right to marry who you choose. When she lied, she stole that right from you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): Has your wife said this is true or it just her ex telling you this?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe lied before we got married, and she did not come out say the truth her ex told me, who was at the dinner party we attended. Do you know how embarasing that is? She has actualy slept with 7 guys. She clearly decievd me. Am hurt
...............................
A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (16 February 2011):
@answerers: I wouldn't jump into conclusions that fast. There is little information in the question.
@anonymous: If she told you that she was virgin explicitly, and she admitted to you she had sex before marrying you, you have the right to be upset. Whether you have to divorced her or not is something you have to decide.
Before choosing you have to be calm and analyse why she lied to you. As others told you here, she may have lied out of fear. But if she really loves you, you should give her another chance.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 hi
i can see why she has lied to you. it doesn't make it right but it doesn't make her a wicked person either. i think she got scared that you might be disappointed, maybe even disgusted by her, so she just wanted to lie and cover up her mistake. who has she slept with? just the one guy from your workplace or has there been more? you really need to have a good talk to her. get her to explain why she felt the need to lie to you, let her know how hurt you are and let her know that this has made you question seriously if you want the marriage to continue.
you will then have the choices in your own hands: to forgive her or not, and if you are going to stay with her you have to forgive her. you will not be able to continue the marriage if you cannot forgive her. that will just make a really bad relationship with lots of resentment.
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, viccra78  +, writes (16 February 2011):
Wow, you are that pissed because you thought she was a virgin when you got married? You are so mad about that that you have now labeled her a liar and deceiver about something that happened BEFORE you got married.
Yes, I think you should divorce her. I can't imagine how hard you must be to live with if she makes any mistake at all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): If the pain is too great, and the lie too damaging, then yes you should divorce her and find a more trustworthy woman to marry. Trust is a huge issue in a marriage and, if the trust is broken badly, like in this case, there is usually no going back.
...............................
|
