A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 11 years and we have 2 young children who we both love very much. We have experienced many problems in our relationship together but we're still struggling along through endless battles. Last year I hit rock bottom after my partners lack of respect for me at times and constant critisisms. I felt unloved and walked over; although he said he still loved me and wants to be with me forever. About 6 months ago I met another person by accident which ended up in us spending about 5 seperate nights together over a couple of months. We both developed feelings for each other but agreed to back off as it was not a good idea to carry it on considering the circumstances. 3 months on I still have feelings for him and cannot get him out of my head. He lives quite close and i'm tempted all the time to call him. I also don't know how I feel about my partner as his constant mood swings has left me miserable, frightened and confused. Please help me!
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female
reader, storybook_girl  +, writes (24 October 2008):
OH -honey do I know just how you feel - we must be living parallel lives. I have been married 10 years with one daughter and a two month old affair with my brother-in-law. I keep trying to stop it and he keeps telling me he loves me and wants to wait for me to leave my husband. I do have feelings for this man - but our lives would never work together and as for my husband, well he loves me - I know that and I love him - he just refuses to let our relationship be complicated - even when it needs to be. I feel like my husband doesn't even really know all of me and we have been together for 16 years and married for 10. The other man makes me feel loved and wanted and he begs to know more of me.
I know the right thing to do is to walk away and force him to leave me alone - but he is part of my husband's family - he will never be completely out of my life.
I told him that it isn't about love for each other - especially when there are innocent lives involved. I told him we wouldn't make each other happy in a real relationship, even though our affair has been wonderful. I think in the long run I will choose what is right for my daugher - which is my husband and I know that I will suffer because of it. Maybe it isn't right - but it is all I know to do right now.
Somewhere deep inside, I think maybe I should leave both men and just be alone. If you have some major revelation to the problem we share - maybe you could write me back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Hi. I just read your post, and can relate to you. My husband has depression and has very bad times, most of which I get the brunt of (being the closest to him). During one of these times, I met someone who charmed me and made me feel great for a while. It turned into a brief fling and I developed feelings for him. Four months later, it's over but I still do have those feelings, and I HATE the fact that I do. I see him sometimes and we email occasionally and I find it so hard to keep my feelings in check. I feel terribly, terribly guilty for having done it, and really want to not have feelings for him. He's not right for me, I know that, and I do want my marriage to work because I love my husband, but he always has and probably always will have depression, mood swings, be verbally aggressive, etc, as he doesn't admit he is like that, so won't get help.
I can't really offer you advice, but do know how you are feeling. You are only human and made a big mistake and now have to deal with those feelings you're left with - somehow.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): That was a terrible mistake. Cease all communicatoin with that tool bag. Tell your REAL lover the truth and how you screwed up. He deserves at least THAT MUCH respect.
You should have went to your boyfriend/husband FIRST, told him your problems and needs and worked things out. You obviously made a bad choice and you'll never feel better until you come clean.
Good luck and don't make the same stupid mistake again. It obviously didn't make things better. Neither will hiding the truth about yourself.
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