A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I was 14 and a freshman in highschool, and I had made really good friends with a guy (we'll call him Sam) while I was dating (Max). Max heard a rumor that I was a sleep around and just started to ignore me. I was hurt and ended it with him, and Sam was there to comfort me the whole time. When Sam broke up with his girlfriend we started dating. My dad's rule was he had to meet the boy first and Sam was ok with that. But Sam and my dad never met because of bad luck and crazy random happenstances. So we "went out" by holding hands, hugging, kissing, after two months fingering. He gave me a promise ring and a month later there was a lot of stuff going on ar home so I gave him the ring back and told him I needed a break. He said ok and about a week later started dating one of my bff's so i asked out a girl in my french class (im bi) About two weeks later they broke up so i called it off with my girlfriend because i hoped Sam and i would date again. We got back together after tears and the realization that I loved this boy. We made plans to have sex and we both showed up but he was too nervous and he backed out, which I totally understood because at the time I was a virgin and really scared too. A couple weeks later things didn't feel right between us like the spark was gone so I called us off again. He went awhile being single and I dated another guy who turned out to be abussive. Sam dated another girl for about two weeks then she called it off. Sam and I were back together a week before school got out and we both knew he was moving to Arizona in a available couple of weeks and we wouldn't see each other until he came back when he graduated (he was a year ahead of me). On the last day of school he almost got on the bus to go home without saying goodbye to me. It crushed me, I gave him a note explaining my fears that he wouldn't come back when he graduated and at the end I said 'p.s. will you marry me?' He ended up saying yes over facebook but on the day he moved we were up really late and just talking, he and I said good night and I love you to each other and he asked me if I was working that morning. I said I was and he got upset and said 'you are going to be working on my last night in town?' And I said yes because I didnt ask for that day off early enough. He called us off and promised he would never ask me out again. I ran barefoot in the rain at 5 am to a church down the road and sat at the doors and cried for half an hour before realizing I was going to be missed at breakfast. I went on with life depressed for a while then I was ok and I met a guy who kind of resembled Sam at summer school (devan). We became friends then we dated and during our second month dating we had sex and I lost my virginity. We had sex three times. The first time he pulled out and the second and third times I asked him to finish inside me. I lost my virginity in a barn to a boy I hardly knew but knew I had strong feelings for. My parents found out about Devan and I and they were ticked to say the least. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant (im 15 now). My parents took me out of my school and are homeschooling me. I just got done with my first trimester and Devan doesn't even know he is a father yet. I want to tell him but my parents think we should wait and tell his parents first, but I know thats going to take forever. I feel bad for not telling him but I cant bc all my contacts to him have been blocked. Now im having dreams about Sam and I together, I think about how he probably has another girlfriend now and I can feel myself get red in the face, I get those pangs from missing him. I still love him but I have a baby on the way and the there is Devan whom I also care about. I don't know what to do, sould I tell Sam about my feelings? Or should I keep my mouth shut even though I think he's 'the one'? And I don't even know if im keeping the baby. Should I? Or should I put it up for adoption and give it the chance at a better life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Thank you aunts for your advice. I am going to ask Devan if he wants to put it up for adoption and hopefully we will come to an agreement. I am going to cut off all contact with Sam for a while and focus on staying healthy and not slipping back into my depression-anxiety niche. My parents are supportive but obviously not thrilled. I am waiting until the baby is born to even consider dating again because by then (according to my step-mom) I wont want to do anything except sit on my bum and sleep. The baby is due a week and a half after my 16th birthday but everyone in my family is pemature so I am not looking forward to what was supposed to be my sweet 16. If I have any other questions I will be sure to post. So again thanks for your time and support, I really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): It is a no brainer. Go the adoption route. That is what is in the baby's best interest since you are only 14.
Other aunts here seem to be unwilling to advise you whether to keep it or give it up for adoption saying its your personal choice. I agree it is your choice but that doesn'tchange the fact that I think keeping the baby will be a poor choice. I am sure you will be a great mom someday like 10 or 20 years from now when you are grown up and have a stable job with enough money to support a child, and maybe also a committed partner, and know how to take care of yourself. But not now.
Yes in the end it is your choice what to do with your baby but I strongly believe the right choice is adoption and I am not afraid to say it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Put up your baby for adoption. That is the responsible and loving thing to do. He or she will then go to a family that has more maturity and resources to raise him or her. You need to focus on your own life, growing up and becoming a responsible independent adult. Forget about sam. In fact forget about dating for some timew I would say at least a year or two. Have the baby, put him or her up for adoption, then work on sorting out your own life without any guy in it, before you even think of dating again let alone having unprotected sex. You are lucky you didn't get a STD. Let your parents handle things regarding your pregnancy. You have shown that you are rather bad at making decisions so you need to let the adults make decisions for you right now or you will end up in an even more confusing and dirfict situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Thank you guys for your advice. And I know I was too young now but then all that mattered was that when Devan and I were together he made me forget about Sam temporarily. I have never felt this strongly about any of my ex boyfriends or girlfriends and iknow I am overly hormonal right now. I just wish we could have tried long distance. I am going to tell Devan asap and wait til I have the baby to make any final decisions about adoption because unfortunately I live in a state where abortion isn't even a real option. I am going to ask Devan what he wants and hopefully we will agree on something. @YouWish You sound so much like my parents it is scary. And I have never been strong enough to say no since my 17 year old brother raped me when I was 12. He is 20 now and doing time but ever since then I've been curious as to what it was supposed to be like and, I hate saying this, as it is a huge blow to my pride, I can't say no of speak up for myself. I didn't even tell anyone about my brother til last year so ive been pretty quiet for the past couple of years, quiet about pretty much everything.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Cupid +, writes (12 October 2013):
 in your teen years. every guy you meet you feel as though they are the one. when it comes to your pregnancy with devan, remember. you asked him to finish inside you, you do realize that his sperm and your eggs may make a baby?. so you are responsible for this situation, you both are.. I cant tell you if you should put it for adoption or not, its not my call. But I do feel as though its right for you to let devan know he is the father. As for Sam. His gone temporarily. if he is "the one" faith will help you meet again. Good luck
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 October 2013):
 First of all, you are WAY TOO YOUNG to be having sex, and being pregnant, you know why you are too young. Teenagers your age having sex like this is like handing a toddler a loaded gun or a chainsaw.
So leave guys alone altogether if you don't have it in you to stop the sex stuff. Teenage guys do not have the experience to pull out in time, and you having unprotected sex deliberately do not have the maturity to handle sex altogether, and now you have put your parents in a very bad spot. Your decisions don't just affect you. They have ramifications on your parents, your family, your school, and most importantly, your son or daughter-to-be. So NO MORE GUYS now.
Second, you keeping your baby or going the adoption route is based on you alone, not whichever guy you have feelings for. You are too young to be a mom, but if you decide to be one, again, all that will matter in your life is your baby, and a stable environment without a revolving door of guys you're having sex with is crucial to be a good mom.
It's time to grow up fast, because right now, your decisions have been wrecking balls for those around you.
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