A
female
age
36-40,
*hadow_Addict
writes:Hey guys..this problem is kinda conplex...but i really could do with some help...Basicly i'm 5 months pregnant with a perfect little boy who i already love to bits. The babys dad doesnt wanna know basicly...i've seen him twice since we found out.. so even though were still technicaly together...were not at all if you get me...Ove rthe last couple of months i've found myself getting close to a male friend...without meaning to...neither of us were looking for anythin..But he is so different from any other guy i've met...in the last couple of days we've got closer...we've kissed but nothing more as I want to take things very very very slowly - which he says he understands and wants this too...I purposely didn't tell my parents about this guy because I dont even know myself whats going on yet..and i KNEW i'd be judged and that they'd asume all sorts. But basicly they found out today. and i was right - they've assumed its some dirty little thing... that he just wants me for sex...they even said that no guy could ever want a girl who is pregnant with someone elses baby for anything else but sex :'( Its made me feel awful...i tried to explain but they just wont listen whatever i say. I now feel cheap and dirty even though nothing has even happened.... what should i do? this is REALLY getting me down...and before i actualy was starting to feel happy for the first time in ages...blah...please help
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Lots of guys take on pregnant women, it happens all the time. Tell your parents that you may have a chance at happiness and if it goes wrong then at least you had a chance. Its no different for some as taking on already born children and men do that every day. not all men but a hell of a lot.
My husband took my two on and if you had seen the look of pride in his eyes as we watched my beautiful daughter get out of the limo at her prom tonight you would think she was his as the love and mutual respect is so obvious.
Your parents probably dont want you to get hurt without realising they are the ones that are hurting you. They are probably trying to protect you at a vulnerable time and think they are doing the best.
You are not cheap and dirty you are carrying the precious gift of life inside you which some men find very very attractive, my hubbie loves me pregnant. Sit them down and tell them you have to be allowed to make your own decisions in life even if sometimes you may get hurt in the process, they cant protect you from life itself. We cant learn from mistakes if we are never allowed to make our minds up and this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you for all they know. I wish you all the best of luck x
A
female
reader, Amelia2006 +, writes (3 July 2008):
I have to agree with the previous answer - the main thing to remember is that you're very young and, potentially, there are going to be several partners who will be "fathers" to your child before you properly settle down. There is nothing wrong with getting pregnant, but it does mean that you have to consider the future welfare of your child before anything else. What's really difficult is deciding whether this new fella is 'The One'. If you know for definite that he isn't then don't waste your emotions going through it and damaging you and your child - at least for the moment, it's just not worth it. I imagine your parents have gone into overprotective mode because their baby is pregnant - consider your future relationships, show maturity and, above all, show your parents that you and your partner are dedicated to the baby and I bet that eventually, if all works out, they will come round. I hope it works out xx
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A
female
reader, Amelia2006 +, writes (3 July 2008):
I have to agree with the previous answer - the main thing to remember is that you're very young and, potentially, there are going to be several partners who will be "fathers" to your child before you properly settle down. There is nothing wrong with getting pregnant, but it does mean that you have to consider the future welfare of your child before anything else. What's really difficult is deciding whether this new fella is 'The One'. If you know for definite that he isn't then don't waste your emotions going through it and damaging you and your child - at least for the moment, it's just not worth it. I imagine your parents have gone into overprotective mode because their baby is pregnant - consider your future relationships, show maturity and, above all, show your parents that you and your partner are dedicated to the baby and I bet that eventually, if all works out, they will come round. I hope it works out xx
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I don't believe, personally, in what your parents think about your situation. This "new guy" knows darn well what he's getting himself into. The first sign that he may actually have strong feelings for you is his intrest in your pregnancy. Has he offered to come with you to a doc appointment or birthing classes? Does he ask about your delicate condition? Does he curse your baby's daddy for not being involved? My opinion on your situation is it isnt always good to go from one relationship to another if your pregnant and/or have kids, because it isn't just you getting into it, it's the children as well. And if it doesnt work out, the children suffer with you. At this point in your life, it is time to make wise, educated decisions. If this guy is genuine, and you know him and his history very well, maybe it wouldnt be so bad. Does your baby's daddy love you still? If he does, and there is any hope for the pair of you, I would try to make it work. It is hard on a child to see a parent go from one partner to another. I'm not saying the new guy is bad, or will hurt you, I don't know him. What I'm trying to say is, how well do you know him? And congrads on the baby boy!!! What a blessing!
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A
male
reader, DuncanGreen +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Approach carefully. Although a few men may appreciate pregnant women, they are very rare. Of those who do appreciate pregnant women, I believe for most men, that woman would be their spouse. I hate to say this to you, but I would estimate that the vast majority of men would want NOTHING to do with a woman who was pregnant with another man's child. It's a primitive thing about encroaching onto someone else's territory. What it comes down to now, is how you move forward, because you don't know what his true intentions are. As cheap as you feel now, it would be worse if he did use you for sex and left afterward. As a result, I'd tell you to take things slowly, your kids come first.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (3 July 2008):
I don't believe, personally, in what your parents think about your situation. This "new guy" knows darn well what he's getting himself into. The first sign that he may actually have strong feelings for you is his intrest in your pregnancy. Has he offered to come with you to a doc appointment or birthing classes? Does he ask about your delicate condition? Does he curse your baby's daddy for not being involved? My opinion on your situation is it isnt always good to go from one relationship to another if your pregnant and/or have kids, because it isn't just you getting into it, it's the children as well. And if it doesnt work out, the children suffer with you. At this point in your life, it is time to make wise, educated decisions. If this guy is genuine, and you know him and his history very well, maybe it wouldnt be so bad. Does your baby's daddy love you still? If he does, and there is any hope for the pair of you, I would try to make it work. It is hard on a child to see a parent go from one partner to another. I'm not saying the new guy is bad, or will hurt you, I don't know him. What I'm trying to say is, how well do you know him? And congrads on the baby boy!!! What a blessing!
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