A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok so im a mum of three 6,5,2 and married i feel like i cant cope my husband works long hours so i have to get up early and get the kids dressed then do all the housework dinner is always ready then he will go out to football training or casino and i will be left with them my 5 year old is very demanding. i feel like i have a routine but just feel isolated and stuck in the house all week then at weekends i work as a enertainer so its late hours and i have about 6 hours sleep maybe lessi went to the doctor and he gve me antidepressants but they made me sleepy im trying to be a good mum i really am but no one told me it was going to be this hard i love my children there is no doubt about that i jus wish i had more help is this selfish??im crying all the time and i think the kids are picking it all upjust some advice please thanx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Erm.. did I understand you correctly?
He works long hours, fine. But you work all day and all evening with the house and the kids, AND work weekends - yet HE has time to go to the casino and/or football training?
It's not on. It's far from being a fair share of the work. Many men may well be fairly useless at doing the housework (I am, or so my wife tells me) - at least to the standards you want it done! - but he's not even making the effort. At the very least he needs to be there when he's not working, and share some of the load with you.
If you have the money, then MissWendlemoot is absolutely right. Get a part-time housekeeper and a babysitter from time to time to give you a break. If not, then he needs to give the casino a miss for a start! It's not good for the children for you to be tired and depressed all the time, and of course it's not good for you either. Have a serious talk with your husband. I'm sure you can work it out between you if he understands that you really do have a problem.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 *sigh* Isnt parenting the hardest job we love? The thing is, you ARE overwhelmed, and it isn't abnormal. This is a symptom of you needing your husbands time more often. Can you look at your daily life and say "yes, this is balanced"? I don't believe anti depressants are the answer to your problems. They will only sedate you, making everyday life even harder. You are not sick, therefore do not need medication. If you are depressed about you life, it's time to change it. Drugs won't change it for you , and the side effects are worse than the problem at hand. Do whatever you can! Hire help, sit with hubby and discuss a scedual that works for the both of you, and try to slip in something fun and productive that is only for YOU. I'm sure your husband knows how you are feeling, but if you don't communicate the seriousness of it, he won't bother to bring it up. He will assume everyting is fine, because you are on meds, and it sounds like you don't get the chance to spend enough time with him, so he dosn't see that the meds are not working. After my 1st child, my doc tried putting me on meds, and diagnosed me with acute anxiety. After hearing the commercials for the meds, and all the side effects they listed, I was afriad of taking them! Suicidal thoughts?!!! Gimmi a break. I spoke to my family, and my father suggested I make a big change in my life. He was right, because once I did, I was fine. In fact, better than ever. A strong, independant lady, with direction and patience for my child. Take your situation seriously, and make that change. It's time. And don't be afraid of breaking down every once in a while! It's good to vent! Hope things get better for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Well no your not selfish, and I mean you do all that for your children, you are a good mother, even if you hate doing the work, and at least you are trying hard, and about your demanding child, well, just don't be a push over, and let him have everthing he or she wants, if he/she starts to do the crying bits in order to get whatever it is he or she wants, then just simply let them cry,they will soon know that crying is not working, also try punishing them, not hitting them, cause all that will do is make them not care at all. Cooking and cleaning, try takeout, and you could at leats skip a few days of cleaning, and if you feel unapretiated by them, well just get over it cause at their age they could careless,its later on when they care. You and your husband need to sort things out, a marriage is about partnership. Split things nither should have more or less than the other.
P.S...Don't give up on your children.
.................................................DocDell :)
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 How about hiring a housekeeper to help out with some of the chores and hiring a babysitter for a few hours at a time so you can have some private time?
Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling and see if he can help you out some?
Yes, he may work long hours but dear you are working round the clock 247.
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