A
female
age
36-40,
*mabee
writes:hi guys, Two years ago I found porn on my pc, me and my partner are the only people who have access to this pc. I found porn searches in the google toolbar, viewed pics, websites etc.He flat out denied it was him. After months of me screaming at him I accepted it wasn't him (which it obviously was.)Last week I found even more, just disgusting sites in my windows search. On the day they were viewed all the web history had amazingly been deleted! After confronting him he still flat out denies doing it... Am I going mad or is he lying???This is really making me feel down and insecure, I've had 2 kids in the last 2 years and feel ugly and so insecure that he doesn't fancy me....help! x
View related questions:
insecure, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 April 2010):
 "i feel insecure and ugly because of the whole thing because he is asian and i am white.... i always find asian porn on the pc.... i cannot compete with that as im never gonna b asian "
You feel insecure because your not Asian..Is it ok if he looks at porn with white women with blonde hair and blue eyes?
Are you upset about the porn, are you upset because your not Asian, are you upset because he lies, are you upset because you've just had a baby, or are you upset because your boyfriend never has sex with you and always tells you that your ugly?
Right now, I'm not sure about exactly what is upsetting you.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 April 2010):
"in response to celiaaletta; thanks but i dont feel i should give myself a makeover to please any man!!!" (original poster)
"This is really making me feel down and insecure, I've had 2 kids in the last 2 years and feel ugly and so insecure that he doesn't fancy me...." (0riginal poster)
Am I the only one who thinks this woman contradicts herself.. she feels ugly and insecure, but it's not her fault, it's all because of what a man dose and the fact that some women work in the sex industry....
He gives up porn and then what.... you start feeling beautiful again... People don't MAKE you insecure, you do that all by yourself... it is good to have confidence in yourself and not be swayed by what the people around you think and do..
What happens if he leaves, will that make you the ugliest woman in the world... I just don't understand how your emotional needs are totally dependant on a man's desires and needs...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): are you serious!? Wow... of all the THINGS to whine about you worry about PORN?!
f-ing A woman... be worried about his secretaries, the girl at starbucks or cafe, or denny's or some restaurant...the girls at bars, teh girls at the supermarket... THOSE would be more reasonable than some chick on TV or monitor.
It's an IMAGE. How can you possibly be jealous of an IMAGE?! Why do you care if he watches porn?! Keeps him from jumping you every five minutes, doesn't it? Unless you like that sort of thing... and if you do, then you should jump him before he gets online.
Either way, I think porn is a healthy way to get his 'jack off' mode out of the way and keep you both sane.
Unless he's actually MEETING said people online, I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't even worry if he had hustlers or whatever mags. Just let him get his fantasies out. I mean, unless you plan to go pornstar yourself, he's just working out fantasies, as I'm sure YOU do, sometimes. Just for you it's in your head, not out in public. Don't tell me you've NEVER thought of someone else while having sex with your guy. You'd be lying. We all do it.
Don't chastise him because you're insecure. If he REALLY wanted the pornstars or the pornstar look, he would have gone with THEM and been nowhere near you. So there must be SOMETHING he likes about you. Be more reasonable.
If he's choosing porn over you, ie. you two don't have sex or he's missing work to do porn, or is more involved with porn than anything else in his life, then you two don't have a problem. Don't yell at him or act like his mother. That will make him run from you, trust me.
I don't know ANY man who doesn't look at porn, read sex stories, or look at magazines. Any man who says they don't is a flat out liar and doing it elsewhere, where you can't see it but believe me, they're doing it.
I'm a girl and I do it too. I know I'm odd for it, but I'm not the only one out there. Just relax. I'm not replacing my bf with the guys in stories, magazines, actors, porn stars or otherwise. They're fantasy. They mean nothing more than eye candy. Your guy is most likely doing the same thing. Leave him alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): hi guys...
thanks for all your responses.... since writing the post i havent discovered and more "evidence" lol....so either he has stopped it or just being more carefull....
in response to celiaaletta; thanks but i dont feel i should give myself a makeover to please any man!!!
im not ugly im 23 ... blonde hair blue eyes 5ft 9 and slim!! i feel insecure and ugly because of the whole thing because he is asian and i am white.... i always find asian porn on the pc.... i cannot compete with that as im never gonna b asian lol....
its just so fraustrating the blatant lying... sometimes i feel as though i must be imagining things! ( im defo not tho lol)
any more comments would be highly appreciated...
mwah...ty....x
...............................
A
female
reader, lamuzetta  +, writes (9 April 2010):
dear Friend,I feel the same way. I have a boyfriend for 2 years, and now I feel panicked when i leave, like as son as I head out his door, he will turn it on. And he leaves it around, and I am so good to him, i'm all over him, today I just wanted to be loved and touched and he didn't respond. I went to shower and came back into the bedroom to find him all flushed and i KNOW that look, that sweat. he was putting his underwear back on and I finally broke, I asked: couldn't you wait for me?denial.it's embarassing for him, whatever but I'm the one who feels humiliated. he says I love you i don't want anyone else. but, and if there are any men out there, please tell me, then why why why would he rather jerk off to pictures of them than get with me?I love him, but I literally feel like I'm being cheated on by the magazines and tv. I want to be wanted. Im not ugly or old or fat, Im not controlling, im always putting on the advances to him an i say no to date requests from other men all the time. How to get over the jealousy?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Hi. If he lies to you and thats whats bothering you, then talk to him about it and say he needs to be honest with you. If hes doing something you dont like and thats why hes lying its not a good sign and needs to be addressed, regardless of whether its porn or anything else. Lying is wrong..
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): You need to ask yourself if it would be better if he were truthful about it. I think it sounds nice to think about being open and honest about all aspects of our lives with someone we care about, but often times there are things we keep hidden for a reason. Speaking to him about it is a good place to start. Find out why. Is he doing this to just rub a quick one out? Are his sexual preferences changing? Who knows. Just make sure you're prepared for the answer when it comes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Yelling and screaming at him wont help. You need to sit down with him, like go for a walk in the park, or other kind of un-threatening envirounment and explain to him why do you feel so grossed out with it and that his bevahiour makes you feel unattractive.
Also i suggest that instead of crying you try to spice up your sex life. Just beacuse you have kids doesnt means you GOT to do the same rutine sex. Try kinky outfits and sex toys. But most important speak to him, not yell.
Best of luck please get back to us to tell us how you got on.
...............................
|
