A
female
age
36-40,
*rika10609
writes:Hi there, I am having a little bit of trouble. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and we live together. He had lied to me in the beginning about his sex, and how he used to be married. He is 10 years older than I am which doesnt bother me anymore. On more than one occasion he has lied to me about porn. I have caught him red handed and he still lied to me to my face. I fought and fought and fought it out of him til I was blue in the face. He told me wouldnt look at it again and yet still had. I am pretty sure he has been good, but he is away and I am afriad he is looking at it on his phone i bought him. I found porn on the phone and got mad because I PAY THE BILL and now im payng for him to watch porn. My gut tells me I am over reacting but than I am not at the same time. We used to have sex so much and it has decreased in the last several months, maybe 2-4times a week. HE said he is attracted to me but I dont feel that way. We do have oppostite work schedues, he works eary and I work late so when I come home from work he is already tired, or so he says that why he isnt in the mood. I am always been a paranoid person so i dont know what to do. I have great friends with great advice which I take but its only for a short amount of time till I feel like this. Anyone out there feel my pain or have good advice? I want honesty, I dont know what to do or think. He knows how strongly i feel about it and I try to give him the beenfit of the doubt that he is going to watch it so whatever but dont lie about it. I am stuck, and heartbroken
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2010):
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No submissions are accepted that could cause flame wars. We ask all posters to display a mature restraint-do not bait, embarass nor publicly humiliate the questioner and other responders on the threads.
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Haha, no sweat antiasexual, no need to appologise to me. I'm sorry I wrote something that you've miss interporated, why are you breaking down everything I say? Taking everything so serious and literal! When you say to your friends 'see you later' do you always mean you are actually going to see them later? No, it's just something you've said.. Chill out man. I was just giving some opinion and advise no need to butt in on it. I've read many questions and known many people experiencing the whole porn situation, and all I meant was that, it's most of the time put on the woman as her with the problem for being upset by it, and that she should just accept it or get over it cause of the 'all men do it' excuse. When in my opinion, if it hurts the woman that much, there shouldn't even be compromise, it should just be stopped. If it's not that big a deal and it's not a need, and if he loves her, then there's no problem in asking him to stop. Simple as. I know women enjoy it also, more so men but yeh women too, I know...
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh +, writes (16 July 2010):
Antiasexual: Did I say that all women hated porn? No, don't put words into my mouth please. And yes, you're right, compromise is about settling on an agreement of what you will both tolerate and enjoy. But when it comes to women that are not happy with their partners porn, they are often expected to just accept it, because 'all men do it,' and all I'm saying is, you have to do whats right for you, and if someone loves you enough, giving up their porn would be no problem at all. I am not sexist, I never once said that there are no women that liked porn, neither did I say all men liked porn, you've obviously missenterpreted what I said.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Leave him, this relationship won't work, you are different people with different interests and you making each other unhappy. Leave him, it's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, blahblahblahh +, writes (14 July 2010):
Okay, first thing's first you clearly aren't happy. And secondly, it'a always the women who have to make compromises regards to pornography, and this ISN'T fair at all. If he won't stop this for you, then that shows he doesn't care enough for you, and why should you be with someone that doesn't care enough for you? I've been there done that and believe me, it feels a LOT better to be out of a relationship like that.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 July 2010):
 This does not sound like a healthy or happy loving relationship. He has lied to you on MANY occasions about a variety of subjects, including ones that are very important things to be truthful about. I don't think he will ever be truthful about his porn use and he won't ever stop watching. Lying does not show a great deal of respect for you. I know it's hard, but you owe it to yourself to find someone who will treat you with some more respect.
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A
female
reader, NatreeRose +, writes (12 July 2010):
 He sounds like a loser. You have caught him in lies MORE than once, and that is not what you call a good, honest, healthy relationship. It's true that age is just a number, and all that blah, but I have seen my closest friends date men much older than them and had the saaaame issues. Especially trust (lying about age, previous marriages, CURRENT marriages, going to strip clubs and lying about it, alcoholism, etc etc etc). You just need to step back and look at it for what it is. NO man is worth you putting your beliefs in the backseat, and you should not have to put up with a liar. Who knows what else he would lie to you about!? Think about it.
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