A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Police wife. I am considering divorce. His job is killing our marriage. We work opposite schedules. Did I mention we are newly weds? Only two months. I lived with him a year-and-half before married, and he was with a different department and worked much better schedule except got called out all the time when we were in middle of something. His schedule changed four months ago. I have discussed it with him, and he loves his job. I am very lonely and he has also been doing things like commenting on other woman's body parts to his police partners and receiving porno from them. He has been emailing other girls "just friends" and last year, he was experimenting with online dating, even calling one girl sweetheart in his emails which I found (while we were living together as boyfriend-girlfriend). Last night he sent me a text from work that he loves me and only wants to be with me, that he wants to have a family with me and be with me forever, and that he hopes i believe him that he hasn't been fooling around. I am really hurting here. Don't know whether to leave or stay.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I would recommend getting support from other police wives. I highly recommend http://www.wivesbehindthebadge.org You will find you are not alone. Many women (including newlyweds) have experienced or are experiencing what you are going through. Before you call an attorney - check them out!
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (23 August 2010):
 Angelripper is 100% on point.
You're not happy.
And the way i see it,you are not compatible either.
Leave him before you have kids with him.
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A
female
reader, Angelripper  +, writes (23 August 2010):
If both of you mutually wanted to spend time together, you would do whatever it takes to work around each other’s schedules to squeeze in as much time as possible to be together, but that’s only if your each other’s (top) priority.
As for his schedule being a bit hectic, it’s only been four months. Being in a relationship is about compromising certain things to be with each other. You had to have known going into this that he was doing to be busy, he’s a cop! You can’t have everything. I think I would understand more if this had been going on for years, but it’s only been a few months ... I imagine it can be stressful, but do you truly love him if you’re contemplating leaving him because of his work schedule?
As for him commenting about other women’s bodies, I think it’s normal for guys to check out other women (when you’re not there, otherwise it’s pretty disrespectful in my opinion), but have you told him how him commenting on other women is bothering you? If he respects you enough, his habits should subside a bit, but don’t expect him to stop completely, that’s almost impossible. So long as he’s making an effort, you know he cares and he’s trying.
However, what bothers me is that if he’s been e-mailing other women, and if it’s serious enough that he’s calling someone he met on a DATING site SWEETHEART when you two were going out, then why did you even get married to him in the first place? It seems to me that he has no qualms disrespecting you by going on dating sites and looking for other women ... that’s a definite red flag that he does not wish to be in a commited relationship. Unless there was something serious going on between you two that was ripping you apart at the time that this happened (Which still doesn’t excuse the behaviour in my opinion) and you’ve rectified the relationship since, I would dump his ass! He was doing it then, he’ll be doing it now!!
Best of luck to you,
-The Resident Metalhead
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I wouldnt trust him. But you guys just got married! And you said that he experimented with online dating while you two were living together, why would he do that? I think that you should leave him. If you two are already having problems this early-on then who knows what will happen if were to continue down the same path? I wish you the very best.:]
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