A
male
age
30-35,
*oeizmex
writes:Allrite, im kinda freaking out right now.... I was a virgin until today... Supposedly my girlfriend was too and i really believed that. Right now I am VERY confused... We were gonna have sex soon because we were very comfortable wit each other and everything and there was no problem wit tht. So today it happened...unexpectedly i could say lol. I thought there would be bleeding and pain so i put some things on the couch so it would stain it. We had foreplay before too. Btw using condoms. Then i started going in nd i was goin in very slowly because i thought it would hurt her so i was goin slowly. SURPRISINGLY there was no bleeding and i went in her quite easily. I didn't have to use my hand to help push it in because it just went in there the whole way wit no problems. I asked her if it hurt her but she said just a lil bit, which basically meant like nothing at all. She seemed confident that she would not bleed and i kept sayin tht i was surprised she didnt bleed and that there was no pain whatsoever. And her reason was that some girls are different, which i thought it was bullshit. She seemed pretty loose honestly...And my penis is around 6 inches so i dnt think i have a small one so her vg would feel loose.I really think she was not a virgin and that she lied to me. Please help me out!
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condom, foreplay, my penis Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Listen. If you have no reason to think she was virgin before your experience today, then don't worry about it. Think of it from HER perspective: She just gave up her virginity to a guy who thinks she is a liar and 'hoe. That's not nice. 6 inches is average. 8+ inches fills 'em up better, though. I hope you treat this lass better than you have been treating her today. She's going to look back potentially on this experience with regret if things don;t improve quickly. Instead, buy her some flowers and candy and tell her how much you love her and appreciate her. Otherwise, some other dude will be doing it (and her) instead of you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Well... not all girls bleed. The bleeding only comes from the thin layer of skin covering the vagina, it can be broken during other activities or as something simple as using a tampon. No big deal if she didn't bleed. I'm not sure what to say about the pain, the first time i had sex it wasn't a comfortable expierience and it hurt. It sounds kinda like she may not have been.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Bleeding after breaking a hymen isn't the only way to tell or suggest someone was a virgin before sex.
Some girls have looser vaginas and if she was so turned on with you she would have relaxed her pussy muscles and lubricated herself enough to take you. As you had foreplay this was likely.
I know this suggestion wont help as you were a virgin, but you can try and cross reference it with a porn video you have seen. Did she sound more like the girl in the porno or did she cum relatively easily and got out of breath rather easily?
You can generally tell someone experienced at sex by their breathing patterns (during sex) and their ability to prolong - however this isn't clean cut as a) she might not be experienced although could have had sex once before and b) women are different, some are 0-80% in a minute and take a while to get to the 100% (climax) and some idle around 30% for a long time before hitting 100% ... of course many more variations.
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reader, woeizmex +, writes (15 June 2010):
woeizmex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYouWish, I actually have to thank you alot for your responses, really appreciated and i would be more than glad if you could give me more advice, im already learning from you. Yeah i understand all tht, but goin down on her is not my favorite thing to do...she wouldn't give bj's because she dnt like it, but thts not the reason why i dnt go down on her. She could find it disgusting me goin down on her maybe...nd plus idk how to do it cuz ive never done it, but im a pretty gd kisser i can tell u that.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 June 2010):
 What I'm trying to say is - you are "freaking out" (your words) about thinking she lied to you about being a virgin, yet you had sex with her all the way to orgasm, so obviously, it didn't bother you enough to not have sex with her. You got yours, then had the nerve to question her integrity, even if you didn't to her face, which THANK GOD you didn't!
Now I hear that you had sex more than once with her. Does this mean you believe her now, or are you just using her vagina while you harbor resentment towards her??
It's even more telling in her defense that seemingly you "did all the work" and she didn't enjoy it as much. That's usually how it is for women on their first time with an inexperienced man. The movies and porn make it seem that at the touch of a penis, a woman has a life-altering spirital experience and loses her voice in a 20-minute scream-fest.
In 75% of all sex and 99% of first-time sex, a penis into the vagina does not equal female orgasm, because for the most part, the vagina isn't the source of pleasure for a woman. The clitoris (the little nub in front of her vagina) is the source of her pleasure. I'm thinking that since she is a VIRGIN, she has little to no experience with it, and the act of sex was in fact a let down for her.
As peeved as I am with you, I won't blame you entirely for her sexual let down experience, because you were also a virgin, and most virginal guys last about 10 seconds upon entering a vagina. You might have lasted 20 because you were wearing a condom.
Learn the art of foreplay, and means switching your entire mindset from "Okay, let's get this preliminary stuff out of the way so we can get to the thrusting" to "how many times can I get her to orgasm before I even think of entering her?" I'll give you a clue = she's dripping wet, and her juices are all over your chin! I'm not talking about a 3 minute fingering that impersonates a 5-year old hunting and pecking on a typewriter, but a 30 minute session and your completely exhausted tongue. Not to mention kissing her lips luxuriously and not reaching for her breasts right away either.
Lovemaking is an art. As long as you can keep the freaking out and suspicion out of it, if you two really love each other, the learning of mutual lovemaking WILL be an intense spiritual and physical pleasure indeed.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 June 2010):
 "she was just layin there. When she was on top, once, it went in her the whole way nd she said it hurt a lil bit...but that was it pretty much..."
Generally she won't enjoy it yet because she doesn't know how to yet. Laying there not moving at all is a definite first-timer sign. Plus it hurt when she was on top because she was still nervous. Tightness has nothing to do with losing your virginity. It doesn't change once you have sex.
No, 6 inches isn't too small, it's average and most women find that to be plenty. Anything longer than 6 or 7 hurts. It's where the term cervix boxing comes from.
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reader, woeizmex +, writes (14 June 2010):
woeizmex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmarieclaire, it was my first time, i obviously have to learn!! Why dnt u teach me nd help me out instead of criticizing me?
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reader, woeizmex +, writes (14 June 2010):
woeizmex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYouWish, u got it wrong. I love her and told her tht i loved it cuz thts the truth. We had sex twice. About an hour after we did it the first time, I used condoms both times, i "exploded" outside because i pulled out when i felt it coming, just for your info. And i dnt understand what your point is?? What are u trying to say?
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reader, woeizmex +, writes (14 June 2010):
woeizmex is verified as being by the original poster of the question We did talk it out before and she really made me believe tht she is one nd i never suspected tht she wouldn't be thats the thing and we had a long conversation bout it, a few times i guess.
She uses tampons all the time...maybe thts the case?
No i did not accuse her of anything!!!!! i told her nice stuff. But even after tht she didn't make it seem like it was so special. She made it seem like it was just a whatever nd a normal thing for her.
I kno she dnt uses dildos because she would have told me and no i will not confront her and definitely not break up with her because i think tht because u are right i have no proof, it's just my issue for now.
I'm not being ridiculous, Im tryin to solve my question...
NOW, i am just wondering, is a 6inches too small?? She didn't seem like she was enjoying it that much, i did all the work because we did the misionary position and she was just layin there. When she was on top, once, it went in her the whole way nd she said it hurt a lil bit...but that was it pretty much...
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reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2010):
I hardly ever get upset at a question enough to go back and add to my answer, but this one really got to me.
Let me ask you this, woeizmex, when you entered her for the first time, realized that she wasn't hurt, you got right in, and noticed that she was "loose" as you put it, what did you do then???
Did you immediately pull back out and end the sex, or did you ejaculate into her and start having "buyers remorse" after you got yours???
I'm guessing that since you failed to mention how this first time sex ended, that it was the latter.
If you were a server in a restaurant, and a customer complained that they didn't get the food they ordered, yet ATE the entire dinner, what would you think of them??
I think it would be doubly callous if you used her, exploded inside her, and THEN complained about her virginity. If I were you, I'd listen to everyone on this page.
Your girl was a virgin, and she deserve your adoration and cherishing, not this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): well i had sex first time when i was 16, my boyfriend was bigger than you,
i didnt bleed, it hardly hurt at all.. im not loose, ive only ever had sex with him,tbh i felt more pain the next few times i had sex than the first time
all girls are different, its hard to say that all girls find it extremly painful so
hope this helps to get a girls point of view
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (14 June 2010):
 You've never had sex before, so how do you know whether she's "loose" or not? Really, you have no idea what the hell you're talking about. That poor girl should have saved herself for someone else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): She properly masturbates and not all girls bleed. I didn't bleed and would have been really hurt if my boyfriend accused me of not being a virgin cause of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): I really wonder whether you shuld be having sex with such a poor knowledge of human anatomy/sex education. Why did you highlight SURPRISINGLY she didn't bleed? You really have a very basic leveel of understanding of sex. Also, 6inches isn't very big so that doesn't really add anything to your argument.Not all girls bleed, not all have pain, your gf may have used tampons, etc before, as all the other posters have said. Didn't you even bother to think about that before you started accusing her of having lost her virginity?I imagine she now feels awful about having lost her virginity to a jerk like you who is happy to go accusing her of things she hasn't done because he just doesn't understand how it works. You sound like you have really spoilt what should be a special occasion purely because of your ignorance. I hope you can make this up to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): first time sex for me hurt like hell but i didn't bleed one bit - that shocked even me lol. Its true, every woman is difference and will experience losing their virginity differently. I had someone slowish in the sex department but i do feel we rushed it, wished we'd taken more time so i'd have felt more relaxed. You stated you were already comfortable with each other and indicated foreplay, maybe you warmed her up really well hence her minimal pain. Consider you did a good job rather than questioning her virginity, if she said she is one and she's not lied to you previously then what right do you have to doubt her?!?! Be happy you got laid and with someone you care about too :) And like other posters say, we live in a technological age - maybe she has used sex toys.
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reader, Yos  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Snap out of it. You're being ridiculous.
Here's a thought: perhaps she's masturbated with a dildo or vibrator...
Be grateful you had the opportunity to lose your virginity with someone. No go and show her tenderness and affection. If you act like an asshole to her now, you'll hurt her horribly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): Other than the lack of blood, you really have no reason to question your girlfriends integrity. I didn't bleed the first time I had sex and the pain was very minimal. It's perfectly normal. All girls are different. Don't question your girl's character based on your one-size-fits-all assumptions.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2010):
Look, relax. Some girls in fact ARE different, just like some guys are different. Girls can have different sized vaginas just like some guys have different sized penises. Also, she could be using tampons, which that or athletic sports could have done short work to her hymen.
My first time was no bleeding and no big instance of pain either, which to me was a huge relief, as like you I had heard stories of pain, ripping, and other horror stories. Trust me, I didn't lie, either.
It kinda breaks my heart that something that should have been momentous for you was ruined by your freaking out and distrust of the girl who just gave a LOT to you when she gave her virginity. I really hope like hell you didn't accuse her of not being one after you finished, because if you did, then you're not worthy of her.
There are women that lie about their virginity, but the reasons you just gave (the supposed looseness, lack of bleeding, the fact that you found her) aren't valid reasons to distrust her. Hell, she could think you're lying because you found her so easily, because usually the reason for fumbling at first is the guy's issue, not the girl's. A virgin girl knows where things are!
A virgin isn't like a CD with shrinkwrap. She doesn't *have* to hurt, or be ultra tight, especially if your 6 inches is a bit of an exaggeration. Girls can naturally have a bit more room too, especially if she uses tampons or like the other guy said - she has used objects to pleasure herself, which by the way doesn't take her virginity. I kinda doubt that she has though.
I hope you're not stupid enough to "confront" her, because if you do, that makes you callous, and will make her ever regret setting eyes on you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): if she has ever used tampons, she wont bleed. the pop her cherry just like sex would.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (14 June 2010):
So let me get this straight. You're upset because you didn't hurt her and didn't have to force it in...? This is not an indication of lying. If she was turned on it's very likely it wouldn't hurt and many women don't bleed their first time. It doesn't mean she lied and it doesn't mean your penis is too small.
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female
reader, CRAVENINI +, writes (14 June 2010):
 well most females do not bleed while having sex ..some are born with out an hymen or others break there's doing other stuff like sports ..or maybe she just wasnt a virgin .you guys should talk it out .
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (14 June 2010):
 LOL ok your going to get alot of not all girls bleed not all girls feel pain,,,, LOL I say go with your gut if you feel she lied she probably did,,, you could ask her if she masterbates or uses a dildo that could explain some things,,, but you gotta be slick about it because if she suspect why your asking she will probably say she uses one just to satisfy you...
but if i where you i wouldnt even bring it up look she has sex with you be satisfied wth that if you give it a rest she might slip up one day... if you bug her its going to make the relationship hard plus she migth lie and say she wasnt a virgin and she might be just because thats what you want to hear.... grls lie and lie alot lol trust me there better liers and cheaters then guys get over it its called life... if you dont trust her screw her for awhile and move on. not the most christian thing for me to say but thats the way i see it.
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