A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am driving myself insane over my LDR on/off? thing. Basically, I met a guy from the army six months ago and fell for him. We decided to start a LDR. Last week he was on leave and came to stay with me for a few days. During this time I realised that he wasnt actually what I wanted. He paid me very little attention, didnt want to sleep with me, slept for most of his time with me and as awful as it sounds (and humiliating for me) pretended that his mum was rushed into hospital as an excuse to get away from me (Im 99% sure this was a lie). Needless to say I finished with him. So why on earth am I now begging him back? I remember thinking when he was here that I didnt actually like him, that I had somehow missed his flaws the first time round, and we didnt 'click'. We hardly talked and when we did it would be about him. So I finished things and now 2 days later I am pining for him. Why????? I know that if I got him back I wouldnt be happy so why do I want him back? Ive been texting him saying im sorry and ive made a mistake. Sometimes he replies, sometimes he doesnt, but why should i beg him back? Surely it should be the other way round? I just dont get myself. The only reason I can think of is that I invested 6 months of my life into this 'relationship' where i only thought about and wanted him. His emails and texts would brighten my day. I was infatuated. And now Ive come down to earth with a bump and reality has sunk in and i dont like it. Please someone explain to me how I can let go, stop texting him and respect myself more?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Sounds like you are lonely for someone and so dwelling on him. Best way to let go is delete his number from your phone and every time you want to contact him, contact a friend instead. Try to vary which friend so you don't drive one of them bananas!
Well done for finishing it with someone unsuitable. It takes courage to be alone.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 sounds like you are mourning what 'could have been'
the loss of a pretend relationship... LDRs where you don't really know each other are good for that.. a relationship without having to deal with a man...
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Sometimes we have experiences where we are more in love with the IDEA of being in love, than in ACTUAL LOVE with a person. So along comes someone to fit the role in our love play and we give him the script to act out.
You realized that he is not right for the part of your love interest.
Dating is like an audition to your life. You put out the requirements of that role and see who fits best.
GO make a list. Perhaps tiny enough you can fold up into a wallet, or slip into your pocket.
The list should be everything you can think of that makes this guy the WRONG PERSON for you. Get serious, get silly, get petty, get shallow, etc...EVERYTHING.
Everytime you feel tempted to call or text (which you should be deleting his numbers and all contact info!) I want you to go read that list.
Be your OWN BEST FRIEND and write how you deserve better and what would be best for you.
What you are describing is that you have fallen into a habit of comfort of having him "there" in your life. But he is not really there. The idea of him is really sort of a security blanket. Letting go of those things are a sign of growing up and becoming more independent.
Remind yourself that you do not really need or want him!
Perhaps you are looking BACK, because sometimes that is less scary than looking forward to the unknown.
But here is the thing, when you date smarter, there are no guarantees, but better dates and better DAYS are ahead.
Stop settling for men that do not fit in your life.
...............................
|
