A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, this sounds dreadful, but i have to share my worry with somebody. I just found out that my ex died of a suspected heroin o'd, and my emotions are mixed since i found out what it was. I'm totally shocked. Part of me thinks i can't believe what it was, but part of me can. I went out with him 4 years ago for 6 months and we'd kept in contact and were on good terms, and I'm 95% he wasnt on anything when we were together, but he used to drink lots. Then i heard this. Now my mind is racing, i'm worried about thinking bad of him- but surely i'd have noticed track marks, odd behaviour, or money missing or disappearances when he was with me? he was round my house most days. i don't think he was, but now i'm not sure and i feel guilty because its blighted my view of him and i don't want it to.Secondly i feel bad because i'm seriously worried for myself now everybody is telling me he died of heroin. We both got fully checked and tested before we had sex- i always am careful- and never without a condom except for some oral though. Now i'm thinking "what if he was lying about being hiv free?" "what if he started on heroin whilst i was with him?" the whole thing is filled with questions, now i'm wondering if i knew him at all. When we were together, i knew hed done some other drugs in the past but he told me hed not done heroin. i keep telling myself don't be silly, he got tested, we used a condom, its been 4 years a lot could have happened since, i think i would have noticed etc etc.. that this is just the shock of it.but i'm so worried about it, since somebody told me what he died of, and i feel so guilty for thinking bad of him too at such a time, but i'm so confused, am i being paranoid and anxious? I'm worried for my partner now too- what's he going to think when i tell him that the cause of it was heroin? What if he thinks i went out with a heroin user? I'm worried about it being in the papers and his name dragged through the mud too. i just am so tired of thinking about it all and i feel so anxious and guilty that i'm worried about myself at a time like this. Please somebody put my mind to rest :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Go and get tested and then your mind will definately be at total rest. I don't think that your name would be dragged through papers or mud because you went out with someone four years ago and he recently died. I don't think your boyfriend's name would be dragged anywhere either so don't worry.
I'm sure everything is fine but you do need to get tested and make sure that you and you partner are safe.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 1) get rid of the physical fear and do yourself a favor and get tested again. No-one has to know.
2) yes there is some guilt by association but really you can not be responsible for the actions of anyone but yourself. If people want to judge you for the behavior of someone you went out with 4 years ago, are they really your friends? You can't be concerned about what people think at this time.
3) maybe you are going through some of the grief stages and that is making you crazy with over thinking. Grieve your friend and try to remember him as he was when he was with you. People change all the time, all we ever have is our memories when they pass.
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