A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,sorry if this is long!when i was young my mum got cheated on by my dad and how it was done was very sneeky that now has made me feel inscure.my current bf is lovely, but has lied to me about other aspects of our relationship and i find it hard to trust him...he trys hard to get me to trust him but when i begin to about anything i always seemed to get hurt.....he now wants to go out with his mates and im so inscure about him looking or even cheating in some form that i cant let him out of my sight and if i do i cant settle until his home.....can anyone help me.... am i mad?please tell me how i can deal with this inscurity its driving me insane.
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female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Hi, i can completely understand where you are coming from. I think to a certain degree what happens in childhood seriously affects our own relationships. I grew up having witnessed my mum being cheated on and then my step mother too, consequently i thought all men were like that, it did not help when i went out with someone in my teens who also cheated. I also found a stash of my fathers porn mags when i was young (he had not hid them well enough) pretty sick really when i look back. So i don't particularly like my husband looking at porn as on occasion he has and i have hit the roof, (i think in some way i must associate that with cheating) to be fair though in all the years i have been with my husband it has never caused real problems and i can honestly say nowadays it does not bother me as much as it would have once, maybe over the years i am more relaxed. Just try to remember your b/f is nothing like your dad, same as my husband is nothing like my dad (thank god)
When your b/f goes out make sure you go out with the girls, develop some common interests together and enjoy being with him. Hope it all works out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): Hey, I had a similar trust issue problem with my current relationship so here are some of the things that helped me not overcome my insecurites but control them:1. If he is going to cheat he will and there is nothing you can do about it.2. If he does cheat you know you are well shot of him! (do not take him back as then your trust will be gone forever)3. You telling him what or where he can and cant do/go WILL drive him away. Reverse the situation how would you feel if he was trying to control you.4. When he goes out, you should go out (not where he is!) or do something that will keep your mind off him.5. If you do go out separately try not to text/ring each other, keep your mind of him and enjoy the time apart. Being in a relatioship does not mean you should spend all your free time together.6. And finally he's not the only guy in the whole world! And definately not the only guy to fancy you so it would not be the end of the world should things finish.Hope this helps a little, it did me. Good Luck xx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2008):
You know why you are doing this. You know it isn't for real reasons.
Have you talked to your Bf about it and told him why you are being so paranoid? You need to explain it and apologise to him.
This could end up driving him away. How would you feel if he never wanted you to leave the house or see your friends? You can't keep him a prisoner. You'd be more inclined to go mad and even cheat when you got a night of freedom.
You need to get over this and you can do it if he helps you. Tell him how it feels and work out ways that you can deal with it. Get him to text you when he is out with his mates, telling you how he misses you.
Go out with your mates so you are distracted and having fun rather than waiting by the front door like a little puppy.
Most of all you just need to give yourself a kick when ever you start feeling like this. He is not your dad. Most men are decent and would never cheat.
If you want to keep him, give him freedom, give yourself freedom too!
Good Luck!! xx
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