A
female
age
36-40,
*atcher00
writes:We went out for 5 weeks straight. It was steady and consistent. He acted like we were together. He told me he was "falling" for me. He said things like, "I'm glad I found you." Things were so good that I never wondered where we stood or how he felt about me or where we were going..things were just on track. For instance, I didn't post on yahoo answers bc he never made me feel insecure about us. Although, we never had the exclusivity talk. And he was always laid back in spending time together. He saw nothing wrong w/ seeing me once a week. I could live w/ that. But one weekend he was really "busy" and we didn't see each other. But he made plans for the following weekend and he also called me often enough so I wasn't really worried. We work together. Sometimes he waits til I'm done w/ work and walks otu with me and kisses me in the park across the street before we each walk to our separate train stations. Wednesday, when I hadn't seen him outside of work for a week and a half, he stopped by my desk on his way out the door, spoke for a few minutes, then said, "I'll call you later." Walked out the glass doors in front of my desk, then I saw him go back into the building on the other side, and he came out 5 minutes later with a girl who I had never heard him speak of. They don't work in the same department, I had no reference point of them being friends, and I didn't know her marital status. He did not glance up at me through the glass doors..just got on the elevator w/ her and left. I didn't even know if they went to the same train station or not. 5 minutes later his guy friend who he leaves w/ if he's not leaving w /me, came by my desk and asked if he had left yet...so even if they were going to the train station, why couldn't the 3 of them have walked together? 30 mins after he left w/her, he texted me somethin cute and nice about how much he misses me. I wrote back saying that something came up and I was gonna have to cancel our plans for Saturday. He was sad and asked if I was angry. I said, "nope." I said, "it's not just gonna be on your terms." He said some bs about, "of course not, I wouldn't want it to be.." and then he asked, "how about dinner tomorrow night after work?" I said, "nah sorry can't make it." That was it for that night. The next day at work he approached my desk and asked what I was doing after work that I couldn't have dinner with him. I told him I had to watch American Idol. He looked dejected and depressed. I said, "we all have our priorities." He looked really sad and said, "I got the message...loud and clear." And walked away. The next day was Friday. He acted like we were still a couple. He brought a cupcake to me at the end of the day and as we were about to leave he said, "come on, cupcake." He was going to happy hour with his guy friend and he said, "HIS schmoopy is gonna be there," meaning--you're mine, and she's his. I had already made the decision to break up with him, so I was acting standoffish. He walked me out and I said goodbye to him and left. I texted him: Me: Glenn we really need to talk soon. Please call me when you get a chance. Maybe tonight? Him: I know. I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me the last few nights, figured you'd call me if you did. Ok Me: Yeah it's not a matter of anger, so go ahead and call when you get a chance. Him: i agree. Ok. He didn't call me that night :-( So the next morning I texted him: Me: I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk on the phone last night, but maybe words are better to write anyhow. I think we both know this isn't working. We are looking for two different kinds of relationships. You're a really great guy and you will be perfect for the girl you are compatible with. I'd wish you all the best, but that seems anticlimatic since I'll be seeing you in 2 days...but I do wish you all the best nonetheless. Him: Sorry I didn't call last night. I stayed later than I expected to and didn't want to wake you. I agree with everything you said. Would like to talk on the phone when you get a chance. I called him that evening after I got off from work. Really all he had to say was, "I enjoyed our little thing and I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm glad it's mutual and amicable." After we hung up, I texted him: Me: When did you realize it wasn't work? Him: Wed. I think? You? [the night I canceled our plans and declined to see him the next day] Me: Bc you and Katie are talking now? [the girl he left with] Him: What? No. She just moved in with her boyfriend and goes to Grand Central now, I was showing her how to walk there. Is that what you thought? Me: I didn't know Him: That's a pretty awful thought considering we were seeing each other Me: Well I didn't know. And we never had the exclusivity talk, we never said we weren't gonna see other people. Him: True. Is that why you canceled our plans for this weekend? Me: Wasn't the only reason, it had been building. I understand you've been busy but my foot you couldn't have squeezed me in at some point during those 13 days. Him: I figured it was the lack of time. That was my fault. This was a really busy month for me but I should've been better about that and I'm sorry. Him: I really did want to be with you and only you Me: I wanted that too. I think we just had a different idea of what that meant. Him: :-( I'm sorry I didn't make enough time Me: No apologies necessary. We were just looking for two different types of relationships. At work so far we've spoken a few times. He winks at me and compliments me and makes a few light sexual inuendos--just like when we were dating. But he hasn't made any attempts to get back with me. I'm shocked bc things were pretty strong...did his feelings start to die even before I broke it off? Was it maybe never that good to begin with? Was he just not that into me? I can't believe it's over, please help me understand.
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female
reader, Lina Santos  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 HelloYou need to understand yourself first, then understand him. Only then will you be able to understand the relationship.I do agree that you have to formulate an apology and you should try "the Clean Slate Method" from a href="http://www.exboyback.com/magic-of-making-up-extensive-review/"the magic of making up/a because misunderstanding seems to be behind all of this.I can tell you want him back, Good Luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): It seems that you two weren't communicating clearly and you made assumptions and he didn't know how to react because he didn't know what you were thinking. He should've called you or met up to talk to you. Text messaging is not clear communication. Make a date with him, sit in the park and work it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Hi,I think you made assumptions when you should have asked him. If you still have some unresolved feelings maybe you should try and apologize for over reacting. Good luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2011):
 5 WEEKS is not a long period of time to expect someone to know they want FOREVER or even exclusive....I can't say I blame him for being gun shy after you jumped the gun and made assumptions without asking him about it...what is he looking for? do you know?
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