A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating almost two years. He is really close to his group of friends. His best friends wife recently launched an attack against me. She's made up all these lies about things I didn't say. She's had help from my boyfriends ex. So, now, the girls in the group are against me and the guys of the group don't know why. One of the guys said it's only because I'm new, and the group does this to all new people. So, I talked to my boyfriend, and he agrees that's why this is happening, and says it sucks but I have to humble myself and apologize for things I didn't do just to be friends with these people. Basically bow down to this crap. I understand being courteous but it's gone too far. There's a big get birthday together that I'm specifically not invited to. My boyfriend wants to go because his friend he hasn't seen in a while will be there, but I don't want him to go because I will feel that he's being supportive of their decision to exclude me. The girl who's birthday it is only uninvited me because she believes this main girl of the group. I tried talking to her but she hasn't wanted to solve this. What do I do, it's breaking me and my boyfriend up because he can't live without his friends... thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): If you both went to an event together and he wants to stay, while you wish to go home, there's no need to argue, he stays and you take a cab home. You have to allow the other partner their freedom. You are not their mother type of a relationship. He will go concerned and protective of you. He will not like what is going on. You would have given him his space to do things for his own reasons. You have to trust your partner. He is thinking this is just a temporary hick-up, sooner or later every-one will get on. If he stayed when his ex was there, this is another story.
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (14 August 2009):
 I was very much in exactly the same situation with my now ex! basically, you dont bow down to any of their bullshit and dont let yourself be uninvited to any nites out or anything like that, your bf needs to show them that you two ARE an item and that YOU are going no Where fast! by that i mean weather they like it or not you WILL be involved! trust me when they realize your not going anywhere they will all of a sudden try and be your friend, if you let them push you out tho, they will end up tearing you and your bloke apart which is ultimatly what they are trying to do meaning to or not. once they realize your not weak, they will be seeking YOUR approval! i hate bitchy women. GOOD LUCK :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): You definatly should ask your boyfriend why he's not supportive of you at all. Or why he wont stand up for you. He has no right to ask you to accept the lies and apologize for something you didn't do just so it gets you in with his friends.
That seems to be a much bigger issue than a group of immature girls.
If they are in a close group, he should be able to have some influence over the girls and he should talk them out of hating you.
As for the party, I'd say you should go along with your boyfriend anyway. That's another completely pussy move of him to just say "sorry honey, you can't come, but can I go?"
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 August 2009):
This is a tough one.
You can't say "well it's them or me!!" and stop him from seeing them.
But at the same time, he should bloody well stand up for you!!
Tell him that you love him but will not be friends with people who spread lies about you, and you have lost respect for him because an actual man would stand up for his girlfriend.
You don't HAVE to be part of this circle. I personally wouldn't bother. If all the girls have to bow down and be scared of this main girl too much to invite who they want to a party then why should you join that club?
Be with your boyfriend, and have your own friends. But just know he won't ever stand up for you. Better to find out early on what kind of man he is than find out he's weak later on when you've invested more in the relationship.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Will his wife be at the party, or any ex of his? If so it is not fair on you that he go. Infact you should be going places without any of his ex's around. It's a good thing you are told you can't go, because would you wish to. He is going, so long as no ex's are there, because he knows you can maturely handle it. For some reason the girls are defending their friend. Be it they disagree with your man, and you didn't listen or there's miscommunication of you. There's some-thing you are not aware of, and it's come out into an attack. Because you are not aware of the missing link of communication, everyone looks out of place to you. The guys were right, the girls all bonded to each other, and you are new and there remained unresolved issues, and your partner is meaning to bend for their emotional anger, because aside from this issue, they are not bad guys. I think you should roll with the punches and see where time takes you. I think there has been a misunderstanding and a fall-out. You never know, aside from this hurdle, it could be a good crowd. They've just bonded more with the other woman and this means they care about her feelings as being a friend where-as you are a stranger. Try to find the missing link
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