A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have known eachother for several years. We have been married about 2. We are busy people and tend to not have sex a lot of the time. Truthfully its gotten boring and he spends more time watching porn (and hiding it from me), then trying to turn me on. I try to keep myself up but he makes me feel like I am horrible. I dont know what to do. He is always angry or compaining about something and I just dont feel attracted to him anymore. Not only that but he has gained quite a bit of weight and when I try to get us to work out he is just lazy and stuffs his face even more.I don't want to leave but I am at a breaking point. Is it me? What should I do?
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male
reader, bibeememo +, writes (13 September 2008):
I'm not into platitudes because a therapist can do that for you, but here is a short list of some practical things you need to keep and some things you can initiate now.
1) if he is looking at porn then there might be an addiction brewing. (it's possible he was already addicted when you married him)
2)talk more, go for walks, go on dates. avoid complaining about the situation directly for the next 2 months. just be a fun loving, understanding, sexy person and he will pull into you.
3)go out with your girlfriends twice a week. go take dancing classes or go clubbing or whatever, just make it something socially engaging... make sure he knows where you are but have a good time and dress nice.
3)keep yourself fit and attractive and demand the same.
4)seek marriage counseling
A
female
reader, Cielo_Alice +, writes (13 September 2008):
 Well you can discuss this issue with him. Be frank and open with your husband. If he cares for you he will listen to you and he will not get angry easily. Be sure to put make-up a little bit because that will be your armor. When speaking to him just look him in the eyes.
I hope I have help you. Well good luck. I hope he will listen to you.
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A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 What do *you* want to do?
You're doing the right thing trying to get him healthy and trying to get him to work out; but if he keeps ignoring you then there is only so many times you can try before you should give up.
"I just don't feel attracted to him anymore"
The problem is that statement is linked to his weight gain; if he keeps "stuffing his face" then you will feel even less attracted to him. But you've tried to get him healthy and he blanks you.
Does he know how you feel? Tell him. Tell him what you're telling us! If he cares anything for the marriage and for you he will seek to change his ways.
And if he does, he will have to change quickly. You should NOT have to put up with his temper or complaining.
It's up to you.
Take care.
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